I recently realized, upon recognizing that I have no plans for the Fourth of July, that the best part of this “getting older” thing was Not Giving a Shit.
All throughout college, and even for a few years later, there were a few nights every year where I just had to have plans to feel cool. These nights included New Years Eve, Halloween, Memorial Day, and the Fourth of July.
Now I view these days as days where something fun may go down, but they’re mostly just excuses to drink heavily at huge parties with lots of people who you probably don’t know and will never see again. This is why I don’t put much weight in making plans for these momentous occasions anymore.
One of my good friend’s and his fiancee have a New Years Eve party every year that’s rather low key and lovely. And if I feel the need to eat BBQ on the Fourth or Memorial Day, I can order it (or cook it! – which has never happened but I know I’m capable of it).
When I see the Instagrams of girls in their early twenties getting dressed up to eventually be blacking out in the early hours of the next morning, I think, “Oh, it was fun, for sure,” when I didn’t know any better, but I’m glad as f*ck that it’s not my life anymore.
So, I had been dating a guy since the end of September. We’d met a few years back through mutual friends and we reconnected when he found (and read) my write-up about Green Day at Irving Plaza. He was really, really awesome. He was respectful, sweet, and funny, among other things. We had a lot of fun when we were together. He enjoyed theatre when I dragged him, we saw a few good movies, and we rarely drank (I hate drinking on dates to be honest). For the most part, I was completely myself with him.
What was missing was a spark. We were more like friends who made-out occasionally than people who were dating and heading towards a relationship.
For the last month or so, I tortured myself with regards to what to do about this. It’d gotten to the point that I assumed he must’ve also known this was going nowhere, but a friend told me not to assume what was going on in someone’s head.
I was told by a couple of friends that you do not go out to dinner with someone to break up with them. What? This was all news to me. I thought the adult thing to do was to do it in person? So, I avoided that and we ended up chatting last night. I felt horrifically awful once the words spilled out, but it turns out that he felt exactly the same way. And, yes, he wanted very much to stay friends too.
I was so fucking relieved. We both cared about one another, but we realized we’d let this go on for a bit too long and it was time to be adults.
It was initially the hardest thing I’ve done in a while, but also one of the best. Would it have been as awesome had he not felt the same way? Probably not, but he did! And I’m so ecstatic. Because he’s an awesome guy.
And hopefully we’ll continue to be awesome friends.