Hello, Old Friend.

There are times when I cannot fall asleep. I lay in bed and think about how am I ever going to fall asleep when I have to be up in only X amount of hours. And then a bunch of other anxieties come up, too, and all the day’s prior meditations and mind-tiring tricks (counting sheep!) won’t help.

So where did I turn back to? Nope, not Xanax. I turned back to relaxation MP3s. They worked once long ago when I had a similar problem and they worked again. They were a life saver.

This time I turned to the Gaiam Meditation Studio app, which I’d gotten for free from a Starbucks download last year. I’d highly recommend downloading it because it’s cheap – like $3.99 – and it has TONS of meditations (including a bunch with my yoga teacher, Chrissy!). 

Take that, sleepless nights. Let’s hope the insomnia stays at bay this time. 

HAHA. Right. 

Subway Anxiety

Sometimes when I’m almost home, like a couple of stops on the train away, I get anxious.

I get anxious and think: “I hope my cat is okay.” (There’s no reason she should not be.) “I hope the train doesn’t break down. What if it does?” (If it does, I could walk I’m so close.) “It’s so hot out. I really hope I don’t have to walk home if the train breaks down.” (Shut up.)

And on, and on, and on. 

I’ve never gotten anxious when I’m far away from home. Maybe that’s because I’m nowhere near it and so worrying is futile. Or I know someone is with Playbill, so no need to worry. I don’t know. I don’t know why I get so anxious when I’m so close to home I could (if I really wanted to) walk rest of the and it would take 20 minutes, max.

But yesterday, around 79th Street, I noticed it and instead of stewing in the anxiety and feeding it, I began to breathe into it and ask why I was feeling this way. I felt it and let it go. I told myself I’d be home soon. 

And it worked. It was nice. I got home and Playbill was fine. I was fine. My night was relaxed because I didn’t let the anxiety of my subway ride take over.