First Time For Everything

I messaged a dude a couple of days ago on OkCupid and then noticed that he kept looking at my profile but not writing back. So, I messaged him again and he finally responded saying that he wasn’t sure if I was out of his league (pshh sure) or not and he’s painfully shy. 

Well, that broke the ice and we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and then met up last night for a drink. He is a first year history professor at NYU and was quite sweet. He’s also divorced and has two kids (who live with his ex-wife in New England)! In all my years of dating (sometimes) older men, I’ve yet to ever encounter one who’s been through a divorce. He seemed rather matter-of-fact about it and not all that torn up; like it was just something that had to happen. Which is totally fine. 

I’m not sure if he was nervous or if we didn’t gel immediately. Not sure if I’ll see him again, but it was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

De-friended

Two weeks ago I met up for tea at Sanctuary Tea with a dude who I’d met on Happn. It was the first and (still) the only dude I’d met up with but we cut past the bullshit right away, didn’t text for days, and just met. He was really cool – but sort of an oversharer in a way that makes you nervous. But also kind of like ‘okay, cool, he’s down for being vulnerable,’ which is not something a lot of people can do nowadays. He told me was OCD, especially when it came to cleaning.

We went out again last week, this time for drinks at a pub in midtown under the building in which he works that I was also very familiar with (thank you theatre industry jobs). Again, we had fun and he overshared a lot again. Trying to compete with his level of oversharing was difficult. I felt like I wasn’t saying enough. Turns out he was also sort of an internet celeb last year for an online dating experiment of sorts. And by “internet celeb,” I mean all of the commenters on Jezebel wished death to him. Whatever, haters gonna hate. I friended him on FB after that day (or maybe before, I don’t remember) and before that date was over, we scheduled our third date. 

He ended up having to cancel it the day before due to family stuff and got very weird in his texting and then disappeared. I’m pretty sure he was slightly bi-polar. We were still friends on FB though so last night, after having a couple of frozen margaritas for my birthday, I de-friended him. 

He’ll probably text me in a few days and be like, “wtf, man?” But guess what: I don’t care. 

Things I Am Over

Today in Things I Am Over we will discuss dating apps. Which I am over. Completely. Not that I ever had high hopes for them to begin with but with such low expectations, you’d think I’d have fun with at least one of them, right? They are all basically the same app, except Hinge pulls people who you have friends in common with on Facebook, so it’s not, like, totally sketchy. Just sort of, very sketchy.

Tinder is a joke, which is why I joined. The gross photos that I come across always make me laugh (and occasionally cringe). I met one guy for a drink once and he was very nice. He was a southern boy who ended up being in a very indie band that I like. He was flakey though. Like, we-couldn’t-seem-to-make-plans-to-get-together-in-the-six-weeks-since-our-first-date-flakey. Yet he was still texting me. I gave up on him. I think he was just sort of unknowingly stupid. Very sweet, but stupid.

Then there’s Hinge. This is a joke too but I’d heard it was better than Tinder, and I was like, ‘Why not!’ so I joined. Spoiler alert: It’s not better than Tinder. You get 15 matches a day and you can go through and say if you like anyone (ie. do I think this person is attractive?). I’ve matched with a bunch of guys but I haven’t actually met any of them in person. Why? I literally know nothing about the person from their profile. So, essentially, why would I want to meet them? Because they’re attractive? Not good enough. (For me, at least.) I was supposed to meet a guy for coffee today but I decided I was just that disinterested. I’m sure he was a nice person, but luckily I caught him via text before he got on the train from Park Slope to come to the UWS. 

Then there’s Coffee Meet Bagel. This is a snooze. You get one match a day and if you both say you like each other, you get a text and you commence speaking and actually getting to know each other – as well as you can via text. I’ve met met one or two guys off this app. It’s OK, but I’m bored it at this point.

The problem with these apps? They’re pretty shallow. You’re going solely (for the most part) off whether or not you think the other person is attractive. For me, this is just not enough. You’re good looking? Well, congratulations on your genetics. Attraction for me comes from whether or not the other person is smart, witty, sardonic, etc. Chemistry, I guess. 

Maybe part of the problem is that I don’t really feel like making the effort to date anyone right now. Yes, besides the fact that these apps are shitty, there is that fact too. I’ll be deleting these apps and I’ll stick to going out in the real world and see who is fed up them too. 

/rant over

A Very Interesting Date

I had an incredibly boring date on Friday. And that’s being nice. There was nothing wrong with him, but we had zero to talk about. I ended the date by saying exactly that. I’m quite positive he was relieved too. I was home by 9pm on Friday and I caught up on some R&R while chatting extremely briefly with a dude on OkCupid. We exchanged pleasantries and phone numbers and said we’d possibly get coffee on Sunday.

Well, today was Sunday and we met up at Khave in Hell’s Kitchen and we had a relaxing two and a half hour discussion over teas, smoothies, and tortilla chips. He was German, which I’d somehow completely glossed over on his profile, so naturally I was very interested in the difference between the two countries. (The two countries being Germany and the US, of course.) This is what I learned this afternoon:

• On a date in Germany people don’t ask questions like “what do you do for work?”
• Germans aren’t as connected to the fake sense of self like what you do, your religion, your politics, etc.
• He didn’t know anyone who was religious growing up. Religion is never talked about in politics.
• Germans are very direct. They say what they think and ask you what you think, mean, need.
• Germans are also not flakey like Americans.
• Institutions, like schools, are not there to tell kids what’s right and wrong – that’s left up to the parents.
• Germans do not like to flaunt their money. If they’re wealthy they try to hide it. Germans are also known for being cheap.
• On their political spectrum, Bill Clinton would’ve been seen as a very conservative candidate.
• Germans hated George w. Bush. (Who, with half a brain, didn’t?)
• When you’re born in Germany, you’re registered under one of four major religious groups: catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or Muslim. But 60-70% of the country identifies as atheist.
• Scientology isn’t regarded as a religion in Germany. It’s regarded more a cult with economical mindset.

We also discussed Backlash Theory, Malcolm Gladwell, and Freakanomics (which I have yet to read!). Though I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, I know I had a really good time talking to him and I could totally see being friends. 

On another note: If Germans are as direct as he says, I may need to think about learning German and moving there. Anyone have any tips for learning German?