More Than OK

Last Sunday marked one year since I first met this dude after he answered my exhilarating first message on OkCupid that said all of, “Hey!” No, really, that’s all it said. We’d both “liked” each other so maybe that was compelling. 

We went to Anejo in Hell’s Kitchen and ate chips and guac, and drank margaritas and he told me, upfront, that he also did not want kids and I was smitten. We went back to Anejo last Sunday and ate more chips and drank more margaritas. We kept it pretty low key. It was lovely. 

We spend lovely weekends together and do fun stuff and support each other. Our personalities compliment each other’s and we’re amazing partners-in-crime. 

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Laughing Into 2016

This picture is from last night. My boyfriend and I went to dinner at The Cellar for amazing mac’n’cheese and champagne before going to his best friend’s apartment for his annual New Year’s Eve party. I think in this photo I’m laughing because I just finished drinking all of the champagne (just kidding, but probably). 

There were lots of ups and downs, but it turns out that 2015 was lots of fun. I traveled to New Orleans, Chicago, as well as Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and Estonia. 

I dated lots of questionable guys and then went on a date with someone who wasn’t my usual type (this was a plus as my type was usually a flaky loser disguised as ‘artsy’) and he ended up being a wonderful guy and I was so, so happy to be able to ring in a new year with him last night. 

I left a job that I loved because I felt like I was stagnating and i took a job that was presented to me with a higher salary and more opportunity only to be disappointed when it didn’t work out. But shit happens.

I threw a couple of successful parties during my first year in my apartment.

I strengthened some of my friendships and ended a couple of others that no longer served me.

I read 25 books. I saw tons of theatre. I went to a bunch of stellar concerts. I kept on meditating daily and took a meditation master class. I renovated my kitchen (with lots of help from my family, of course) and afterward I cooked a ton. I also de-cluttered, which was awesome. I watched all three Star Wars and saw the new one. I watched too many TV shows on Netflix and not enough movies in theatres. 

In 2016, I’m going to concentrate on really sorting out what I want to do professionally. I excel at everything that I’m super passionate about and if I can find myself in the practically-perfect job, I’ll fly. 

Being happy is also a top priority. Fitness is next. I will keep going to the gym more mornings than not, maybe finally do a handstand on my own, and tone my arms because I hate my arms. I’m going to keep de-cluttering my apartment. I want to play more guitar and journal more. I’m going to read another 25 books. I’m going to keep making time to see my friends, including trying to see those that I don’t get to see regularly. 

2015 was great, but 2016 will be even better. Onwards/Upwards.

When a Dude is Stunned

A dude messaged me on OkCupid last week or the week before asking if I wanted to go get a pedicure with him. He was totally not my type (probably solely for the reason that one of his photos was of him at the gym) and I told him just as much. I also asked how many women he’d messaged with the same impersonal message. He wrote back saying that the gym picture was bad, that he’d taken it down, and that yes, he’d messaged a bunch of women with the same question but… BUT… I was the cutest one to answer so far.

Wow. 

Well, for some reason I intrigued by him having the balls to admit that so I agreed to dinner tonight. Today, having not heard from him in a few days, I texted him, confirming a time and place to meet. He said either 8 or 9pm at a dumpling place in Koreatown. I asked if we could do 6:30-7pm because it’s a “school night” and I didn’t want to be out late. 

He texted back, “lol okay grandma.” My next text to him was something along the lines of, “Okay, well, I’m canceling. Have a nice Sunday.” He seemed sort of stunned that I was actually canceling and then kept texting me to ask if I was serious and well, OKAY, he was still going to go enjoy dumplings tonight anyways. I told him to have fun and best of luck. 

Sorry, dudes, you can’t be total assholes and then be shocked when I cancel our plans. I have more self respect than that. 

First Time For Everything

I messaged a dude a couple of days ago on OkCupid and then noticed that he kept looking at my profile but not writing back. So, I messaged him again and he finally responded saying that he wasn’t sure if I was out of his league (pshh sure) or not and he’s painfully shy. 

Well, that broke the ice and we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and then met up last night for a drink. He is a first year history professor at NYU and was quite sweet. He’s also divorced and has two kids (who live with his ex-wife in New England)! In all my years of dating (sometimes) older men, I’ve yet to ever encounter one who’s been through a divorce. He seemed rather matter-of-fact about it and not all that torn up; like it was just something that had to happen. Which is totally fine. 

I’m not sure if he was nervous or if we didn’t gel immediately. Not sure if I’ll see him again, but it was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

De-friended

Two weeks ago I met up for tea at Sanctuary Tea with a dude who I’d met on Happn. It was the first and (still) the only dude I’d met up with but we cut past the bullshit right away, didn’t text for days, and just met. He was really cool – but sort of an oversharer in a way that makes you nervous. But also kind of like ‘okay, cool, he’s down for being vulnerable,’ which is not something a lot of people can do nowadays. He told me was OCD, especially when it came to cleaning.

We went out again last week, this time for drinks at a pub in midtown under the building in which he works that I was also very familiar with (thank you theatre industry jobs). Again, we had fun and he overshared a lot again. Trying to compete with his level of oversharing was difficult. I felt like I wasn’t saying enough. Turns out he was also sort of an internet celeb last year for an online dating experiment of sorts. And by “internet celeb,” I mean all of the commenters on Jezebel wished death to him. Whatever, haters gonna hate. I friended him on FB after that day (or maybe before, I don’t remember) and before that date was over, we scheduled our third date. 

He ended up having to cancel it the day before due to family stuff and got very weird in his texting and then disappeared. I’m pretty sure he was slightly bi-polar. We were still friends on FB though so last night, after having a couple of frozen margaritas for my birthday, I de-friended him. 

He’ll probably text me in a few days and be like, “wtf, man?” But guess what: I don’t care. 

Not Okay, Cupid.

For your entertainment. 

Not Okay, Cupid.

A few weeks back I was sitting by myself at the bar of a German restaurant near my apartment eating a burger. I apparently looked behind me, gave the person a look that said, “don’t talk to me” so of course he stepped right up and started talking to me. He asked for my number and I was so impressed with his brazen personality that I gave it to him. 

We went out twice. He’s not my type at all (and he admitted that I wasn’t his type either) and I was trying to give him (”it,” really, the time we were spending together) a chance – see if my type could change since I haven’t had much luck with my “type.” 

When I got these texts from him yesterday, I was stunned and also pissed. Being this decisive would probably be incredibly attractive if I was into the dude but since I wasn’t, this was just a text from a guy telling me that where to show up and what time and that he was taking me back to his apartment. Translation of this text: I don’t want to keep seeing you unless I know I’m going to get laid.

Well, douchebro, I don’t take orders. 

Hey, I tried. The spark just wasn’t there and unfortunately this dude didn’t know that demanding I go to his apartment wasn’t the way to find that out. On/up. 

Another one bites the dust.

I went on a casual coffee date at the Grumpy’s in midtown on Sunday afternoon (above is the art installation that was being put in). We corresponded casually on OkCupid and the day before I realized that his photos were all of the side of his face. I had no idea what the front of his face looked like. But I knew I’d recognize him because he had a huge beard and reddish hair. We had coffee and chatted. He seemed a bit nervous. I could tell sort of right away that we wouldn’t really click, but I spent an hour chatting with him incase I was wrong. 

We went from Grumpy’s to Gregory’s. While at Gregory’s he asked me if we had a spark because he felt it off and on. I said not really. He asked if I’d want to have a second date to see how things were going to go. I politely declined. 

So, we amicably went our separate ways after 90 minutes and after I declined to get brunch with him. 

I think I need to start dating different types of guys (no Bros though, please). I’ve just been hitting and missing in the last week. 

I might need to take a break all together. 

Back on December 4th, I joined a march for Eric Garner and against police brutality. While we were stopped on the West Side Highway, I asked a dude what was being said or happening further away then I could see (he was tall). We continued chit chatting for a little while and then in the midst of a confrontation between police and protestors, we lost each other.

The following Saturday I decided to post on “Missed Connections,” fully expecting nothing. I wrote every piece of information that I could remember about him. A few days later, after I’d forgotten about the post, I got an email. It was him. His friend (who, he said, was the kind of person who spent free time reading Craigslist ads) had found it and forwarded it to him.

We met up a few days later after we both marched (separately) in the Millions March. It turns out that he was a fan of Buddhism and regular meditator. We also both loved John Lennon. And reading, among other things. It was really nice. It was easy. We meditated together. He met one of my best friends. He was completely honest with me about how he felt (and it was good) and I was with him too. I was pretty sure he was one of my soulmates.

Then he found out that he’d gotten accepted to a great school to go to their post-bac pre-med program and everything changed (understandably). He wasn’t a science person and he was trying to make himself one so he needed to study. And study, and study more. We decided last week when he came downtown to have lunch with me that it was for the best not to date anymore. He just didn’t have the time that he wished he had.

It was hard and it sucks. But it was also the logical decision. I still believe he was one of my soulmates, but as Elizabeth Gilbert points out above, it doesn’t always mean that’s the person you’re meant to be with.

I’m still trying to sort out what the lesson was that I was supposed to learn from these past two months. I’m sure it’ll come to me when I least expect it. Just like he did. 

I read the Tumblrs of ladies who are on the dating scene in and out of New York City and more than occasionally I am shocked and awed at how OK some ladies are with being touched by strangers. Not guys they’ve been speaking to on OkCupid or where ever for a while, but guys they’ve just met in a bar. They talk about Dude X or Y putting their hands on their thighs or whatever like it’s validation of how hot they are and that it’s not completely (in my humble opinion) inappropriate.

I went to my neighborhood on Monday night to wait out the storm and watch it get bad (spoiler alert: it never did). I love going to bars with a book, having a pint, eating something, and talking to strangers. I talked to the few people that were in there for the long haul for quite a while and one was flirting with me hardcore. I was not flirting back. He kept putting his hands on my thigh, hand, and back and each time I’d tell him not to touch me. He’d just keep doing it and then apologize right after.

He also took to calling me “sweetie,” which I also told him to stop immediately and, of course, he didn’t listen. When he asked for my phone number, I declined to give it to him (obviously) but I felt bad so I told him to find me on Facebook. I ignored his friend request.

Twelve hours later I woke up to an email from my account associated with this blog. He Googled my name, found this blog, and emailed me. I guess guys things that a refusal to give out a number, followed by an ignored friend request, is an invitation to cyber stalk and email you.

I emailed him back nicely and told him that no, I don’t want to see him again and for these reasons. He seemed apologetic and I felt kind of bad.

But not really.