every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
I spend a lot of time worrying about stupid shit. I’m definitely going to die of a fatal disease even though I know I’m 100% healthy. My teeth are going to fall out of my gums at any second even though I haven’t had a cavity in over three years. And I’m definitely, definitely, definitely going to never find a job I’m good at and I’m going to eventually go broke.
I started sending out letters and applying for real full-time jobs again in early/mid-November, and when I hadn’t even gotten so much as an interview after one week, I got all Hannah-esque from Girls, “I am unfit for any and all paying jobs!”
Well, thankfully, that’s not true.
I had five or six interviews in the last 2-3 weeks and ended up being offered three great jobs last week. I took the one that I thought would be a challenge, was 100% concerning numbers, and was at what many people said was an AWESOME company to work for. Another job wouldn’t have been challenging at all and choosing it definitely would’ve been playing it safe (and boring), and while the third job was at another awesome company working with a powerhouse ass-kicking woman, the pay was just too low.
The above picture is from last Wednesday after I’d negotiated a salary and accepted one of those three job offers. I went to my old haunt on West 57th Street to visit some old coworkers. I told them I’d accepted a job offer and we found whatever tequila was currently being housed in their freezer and toasted. So, in exactly one week I will start a new job that will put my strengths (numbers, spreadsheets, and organization) to work, and I’m excited (and also scared). Wish me luck.
The above was my view for over three years. Stunning, right? A building was recently built in front of that view and one week and a few days ago I was laid off at work. I’ve spent the last week meeting with recruiters, sending emails to former bosses, colleagues, and friends, and sending out resumes and cover letters when I see jobs that interest me listed.
My employer didn’t think he needed an assistant anymore after three years and some company restructuring. To be honest, I wasn’t doing all that much and what I was doing wasn’t my ideal. I was given a generous severance package so this was, by all means, the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I actually have time (and money!) to look for a job I love. Would I have liked more to leave on my own terms with a job waiting for me at the other side of the rainbow? Of course, but this was the next best thing that could happen.
Also? I have now have time to get up early to get rush tickets to shows during the week (when the lines are much shorter)… which was where I was as I was writing this, at Death of a Salesman. I’ve also been cooking more and going to more yoga. Silver lining, right?
My world was unexpectedly shaken up, but I’m looking at it as a positive. That view is gone, so maybe that was a sign that my time was done too. And now the obligatory, if you hear of anything, let me know… 🙂
So I wrote this a long time ago, but I think it’s still relevant because even though I’ve been out on three dates with one guy, I’m still cautious and learning that my happiness doesn’t depend on whether or not he (any guy, really) calls.
The number one thing I’ve learned about myself in my four months of not dating? I have a life. I’ve filled the last four months with dinners, friends, drinks, books, movies, LOTS of theatre, and other events. None of which required a having a boyfriend or even just a guy that I was casually dating. My social life hasn’t been lacking at all since not having a guy in my life. I hate to admit it, but when I’m dating someone I don’t make plans until I know what that other person is doing. My social life is scheduled around when I’m seeing the other person. This is not okay.
Life has also lacked the drama that comes about when you’re dating someone (at least when I’M dating someone). I’m not sure if I can date and not be dramatic, but I think I’m getting better at this.
After five months of not dating, I went on a date on Memorial Day weekend. It was really relaxed and a lot of fun. I didn’t over analyze anything and I didn’t even freak out when I wasn’t in constant contact with him the following week. We spoke, briefly, via text. I’m not stressing anything anymore. We went out two other times but I think whatever we had has pretty much fizzled. Onwards!
But that’s not to say that I’m looking for someone else to date. I’m kind of enjoying having fun with my friends right now. I’m not feeling the need to date a bunch of people. The male attention isn’t as validating as it used to be. That is a good thing.
I know, if I’m so happy, why do I feel the need to blog about it. I guess for posterity so if I ever fall back to the dark side, I can remind myself of this time.