Equanimity is likened to the way parents feel when their children become adults. The parents have nurtured, have given so much care, have been loving, and then at some point they have to let go. They don’t do so with a cold feeling of withdrawal. They don’t throw the adult child out of the house saying, “Well, it was nice. We don’t really need each other anymore.”
Equanimity has all of the warmth and love of the previous three states but it also has balance, wisdom, and the understanding that things are as they are and we cannot ultimately control someone else’s happiness or unhappiness.
After I went to my friend’s bar in East Williamsburg (i.e. Bushwick!) by myself a few weeks ago and experienced what it was like to hang out by myself at a bar again, I really liked it. Spending time solo has become a thing of the past unfortunately. I’ve developed a set of built-in friends who I can usually wrangle to go with me to lots of places so that leaves very little time for hanging out by myself.
In college I’d often spend one night a week at my favorite spot on West Broadway, Edwards. I was friendly with the staff and they had really, really good fries. I’d often bring in a book, or maybe a notebook if I was in the midst of writing a play, chat with the other regulars, and generally have an awesome, low-key time.
Well, I’ve started to reclaim my solo time again. I finished The Tipping Point down at Edwards last Saturday night and after took the L train to East Bushwick. While this has been good and well, and lots of fun, I’ve also noticed myself regressing back to my 23-year-old self in which I’m always on the look-out for a cute guy to chat with. It’s stupid… and very depressing.
I’ve also gotten sick of drinking (for now). I had three beers last Saturday and felt pretty lousy after. I don’t like feeling drunk or hungover the next morning (and I’m a lightweight so this happens easily). The last few nights I’ve wanted to go have dinner in one of my favorite neighborhood bars with a pint, but as soon as I sit down, I change my mind, leave, and get dinner at Whole Foods (or I, you know, cook).
I’m not really sure what the point of this is. I think it’s just to say that re-discovering alone time is awesome. It doesn’t mean I’m a loner or don’t adore my friends, but sometimes you just have to be alone with the thoughts in your head. Or chatting it up with strangers (ie. new friends) at the bar of your favorite restaurant.
Sometimes you just need a break to refocus on yourself.