The Friday before last I was supposed to meet a guy after work for drinks, but when I woke up it was a blizzard outside so I texted him about canceling. it was 7:30 in the morning but minutes after I texted him, he called me.
He used the phone and called me. I can’t remember the last time a guy called me. Maybe because I have a tendency to date introverts who have a phobia of talking on the phone. Or maybe it’s because everyone texts nowadays anyways, and whenever their phones ring, they look a little confused at the ringing, blinking object in their hand.
He’s called me a couple of times since our date too. And it was kind of nice. Because I can’t read into a phone call the way I can read into a text (and if you’re female, you know what I mean because, shut up, you do it too). There are actual emotions in people’s voices when you talk to them on the phone (I’m Captain Obvious today). I think my past relationships have been screwed up at one point or another from the reliance on text-only communication (among other things).
Mass bitchiness on my end was avoided the other day when he texted me to tell me he was getting stuck late at work for an hour and I said let’s reschedule. He said, “I’m not doing this via text. Call me when you can.” Had we continued through text, anything I said would’ve come across as passive aggressive. Instead, I heard his voice and how sorry he was, and how he insisted that he just wanted to spend time with me.
It’s taken a bit of getting used to, but slowly, I’m getting used to it.
My mom asked me the most mind-blowing question last weekend: “So, during the dating process, when do you stop going Dutch?”
Wait, what?! So now men are expected to pay not just for the first date, but for all subsequent dates too? Whoa. I was shocked, to say the least. I love my mom very much, but her views are sometimes antiquated when it comes to dating and gender roles.
I’m barely comfortable letting guys buy me a drink (or dinner) on a first date. I’ve also had first dates where we’ve gone Dutch, which is totally fine too. I didn’t date much this year because I was unemployed and dating is expensive. I don’t ever want to burden someone with the expense of entertaining me. I can entertain myself, thankyouverymuch. This is the 21st century and I’m not looking for a guy to take care of me. I don’t want to feel that indebted to someone. Marriage isn’t that high on my to-do list for life.
I would love to find someone to be a partner-in-crime, a best friend, confidante, and roomie, but he should never come at me saying something like, “I could totally afford you.” I think I’d literally LOL and show him (or myself) to the door.
(This photo is a piece of art that I saw in Homegoods the other day. I really like it. I might buy it.)
If it’s right, you literally can’t screw it up.
I’m finally starting to believe that. Not because of any one person or situation, but because of something that dawned on me this week. I realized recently that I’ve spent the last few years covering up myself for the sake of dating guys who I thought were awesome, and who need to be exposed to me slowly – not all at one shot. Because that was apparently too much to handle, I presumed.
I mean, yes, I’m my outspoken, (somewhat) stubborn self in person. I can’t hide that. But on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr? It’s a different story. I’ve always been worried that guys would read something I’ve written or tweeted and decide they didn’t like me. That would be the end of a fantastic love story that hadn’t even begun. (Oy.)
Then my cousin finally beat it into my head that if said-guys don’t like that side of me upfront that they probably won’t like that side of me a month or two down the line. And isn’t it better to find that out upfront before you get attached?
And the lightbulb went off. Well, YES. Wow.
I will post some slightly narcissistic photos of my outfits on Facebook and if they think that makes me too shallow, screw ‘em. Or as I’ve been known to write that I think everyone’s guns (including the cops) should be taken away and someone thinks that’s too liberal? Well good. I don’t want to date someone who’s a gun enthusiast. (These aren’t things that’ve happened in the past, but things that I’ve been afraid of happening in the past.)
So, that’s it. I’m flawed, as we all are, and I refuse to keep hiding it for no reason whatsoever. There will be someone who finds my over analytical, super-liberal quirks endearing someday.
So today I saw “The Other Place” at Manhattan Theatre Club’s Samuel Friedman Theatre (review to come – it was heavy, but I liked it). I chatted very briefly with a middle aged guy who was wearing a hat made out of an entire fox. I ran into him again shortly before the show began and he told me, “In case you ever want to hang out, I want you to have this. I think you’re lovely.”
While his sentiment was nice, he was creepy and this card that he gave me was ridiculous. He obviously does this on a daily basis. So, even though he’s a Scorpio (/insert sarcasm), I will not be contacting him. I thought this was funny though.
This is about right. I’ve dated a few guys this year, and if they weren’t socially awkward nerds, they were assholes. A couple were really great guys, but I found myself getting bored and realizing the chemistry wasn’t there.
I started out dating this guy after a four-month conscious hiatus from dating. He lived far away (in Connecticut) and was emotionally tone deaf. My guy friends who met him had some choice words about him.
For three weeks I made the mistake of dating someone who worked at the company that I was interning at – that was kinda/sorta/very bad. I had one date with a random OkCupid dude who was a touring trumpet player (and quite a good one!), and then a handful of dates with a “tech founder” who lived in his parent’s loft. He claimed to be broke all the time, but was always going out. Now I don’t care if you live in your parents incredibly cool apartment rent-free and get your money from them as long as you don’t walk around claiming to be poor. Because that’s just obnoxious.
There were two very good dates with a cute guy from OkCupid who decided we had nothing in common and that we shouldn’t continue hanging out. And the one date with a banker who was a registered Republican (I didn’t know this beforehand!) and likened date rape to circumcision. Then I spent the last couple of months dating a really great guy. We had things in common, mutual friends, and enjoyed each others company. It was pretty relaxed. No games, no second guessing. It was nice.
Who the hell knows what 2013 has in store. But it will definitely involve fewer Republicans and in-denial trust fund kids. I’m getting better at asking for what I want and not accepting bullshit. These are all positive things, methinks.