More Than OK

Last Sunday marked one year since I first met this dude after he answered my exhilarating first message on OkCupid that said all of, “Hey!” No, really, that’s all it said. We’d both “liked” each other so maybe that was compelling. 

We went to Anejo in Hell’s Kitchen and ate chips and guac, and drank margaritas and he told me, upfront, that he also did not want kids and I was smitten. We went back to Anejo last Sunday and ate more chips and drank more margaritas. We kept it pretty low key. It was lovely. 

We spend lovely weekends together and do fun stuff and support each other. Our personalities compliment each other’s and we’re amazing partners-in-crime. 

This:

I’ve heard the quote, “A friendship that can end never really began.” And I think it’s pretty much bullshit. New York City is a helluva town, but it also has a helluva lot of people. I’ve run into people who I’ve been friends with and dated who I thought I’d never run into them again after we severed ties. Nope, not the case. You will definitely (probably) run into them.

On the train down to the Heart Like a Hand Grenade screening, I got on the train and looked down the car for a seat and saw a former good friend’s ladyfriend who I’d met all of twice. Astonished (because as far as I knew, they don’t leave Brooklyn), I opened my book and just began to read for the three stops that I was on the train.

I’d met my friend on OkCupid, went out on dates with for a month, and then eventually over the next couple of months we transitioned into being friends. For me, he just drank too much. We didn’t do anything that wasn’t at a bar. But he was kind of fun to hang out with when I wouldn’t be required to kiss him. We spent a lot of time together as friends over the next couple of years and I even became close with his family (I still think his mother is so cool). He’d confided in me a couple of times that yes, he might have a drinking problem and he knew that I had a friend in AA so he wanted to know more information. He never went through with it. Then he started manically dating and after he unofficially had the aforementioned ladyfriend move in after (max) 4 weeks, I severed this relationship. I didn’t agree with his choices and since you can’t change people, I thought it was best not to have this person in my life. Maybe I was wrong to do this. Maybe I wrong in my opinion. Our friendship wasn’t fun anymore though, so it was time to let it go.

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. This was something that took me a while to fully grasp. The memories are still there and they’re still good. Seeing her on the train was a reason to remember the good times that I’d had with him. Without that unexpected reminder though, I was forgetting. But maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t need to remember anymore. 

Maybe it’s time to remember to learn to forget. 

When a Dude is Stunned

A dude messaged me on OkCupid last week or the week before asking if I wanted to go get a pedicure with him. He was totally not my type (probably solely for the reason that one of his photos was of him at the gym) and I told him just as much. I also asked how many women he’d messaged with the same impersonal message. He wrote back saying that the gym picture was bad, that he’d taken it down, and that yes, he’d messaged a bunch of women with the same question but… BUT… I was the cutest one to answer so far.

Wow. 

Well, for some reason I intrigued by him having the balls to admit that so I agreed to dinner tonight. Today, having not heard from him in a few days, I texted him, confirming a time and place to meet. He said either 8 or 9pm at a dumpling place in Koreatown. I asked if we could do 6:30-7pm because it’s a “school night” and I didn’t want to be out late. 

He texted back, “lol okay grandma.” My next text to him was something along the lines of, “Okay, well, I’m canceling. Have a nice Sunday.” He seemed sort of stunned that I was actually canceling and then kept texting me to ask if I was serious and well, OKAY, he was still going to go enjoy dumplings tonight anyways. I told him to have fun and best of luck. 

Sorry, dudes, you can’t be total assholes and then be shocked when I cancel our plans. I have more self respect than that. 

First Time For Everything

I messaged a dude a couple of days ago on OkCupid and then noticed that he kept looking at my profile but not writing back. So, I messaged him again and he finally responded saying that he wasn’t sure if I was out of his league (pshh sure) or not and he’s painfully shy. 

Well, that broke the ice and we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and then met up last night for a drink. He is a first year history professor at NYU and was quite sweet. He’s also divorced and has two kids (who live with his ex-wife in New England)! In all my years of dating (sometimes) older men, I’ve yet to ever encounter one who’s been through a divorce. He seemed rather matter-of-fact about it and not all that torn up; like it was just something that had to happen. Which is totally fine. 

I’m not sure if he was nervous or if we didn’t gel immediately. Not sure if I’ll see him again, but it was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

Another one bites the dust.

I went on a casual coffee date at the Grumpy’s in midtown on Sunday afternoon (above is the art installation that was being put in). We corresponded casually on OkCupid and the day before I realized that his photos were all of the side of his face. I had no idea what the front of his face looked like. But I knew I’d recognize him because he had a huge beard and reddish hair. We had coffee and chatted. He seemed a bit nervous. I could tell sort of right away that we wouldn’t really click, but I spent an hour chatting with him incase I was wrong. 

We went from Grumpy’s to Gregory’s. While at Gregory’s he asked me if we had a spark because he felt it off and on. I said not really. He asked if I’d want to have a second date to see how things were going to go. I politely declined. 

So, we amicably went our separate ways after 90 minutes and after I declined to get brunch with him. 

I think I need to start dating different types of guys (no Bros though, please). I’ve just been hitting and missing in the last week. 

I might need to take a break all together. 

A Very Interesting Date

I had an incredibly boring date on Friday. And that’s being nice. There was nothing wrong with him, but we had zero to talk about. I ended the date by saying exactly that. I’m quite positive he was relieved too. I was home by 9pm on Friday and I caught up on some R&R while chatting extremely briefly with a dude on OkCupid. We exchanged pleasantries and phone numbers and said we’d possibly get coffee on Sunday.

Well, today was Sunday and we met up at Khave in Hell’s Kitchen and we had a relaxing two and a half hour discussion over teas, smoothies, and tortilla chips. He was German, which I’d somehow completely glossed over on his profile, so naturally I was very interested in the difference between the two countries. (The two countries being Germany and the US, of course.) This is what I learned this afternoon:

  • On a date in Germany people don’t ask questions like “what do you do for work?”
  • Germans aren’t as connected to the fake sense of self like what you do, your religion, your politics, etc.
  • He didn’t know anyone who was religious growing up. Religion is never talked about in politics.
  • Germans are very direct. They say what they think and ask you what you think, mean, need.
  • Germans are also not flakey like Americans.
  • Institutions, like schools, are not there to tell kids what’s right and wrong – that’s left up to the parents.
  • Germans do not like to flaunt their money. If they’re wealthy they try to hide it. Germans are also known for being cheap.
  • On their political spectrum, Bill Clinton would’ve been seen as a very conservative candidate.
  • Germans hated George w. Bush. (Who, with half a brain, didn’t?)
  • When you’re born in Germany, you’re registered under one of four major religious groups: catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or Muslim. But 60-70% of the country identifies as atheist.
  • Scientology isn’t regarded as a religion in Germany. It’s regarded more a cult with economical mindset.

We also discussed Backlash Theory, Malcolm Gladwell, and Freakanomics (which I have yet to read!). Though I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, I know I had a really good time talking to him and I could totally see being friends. 

On another note: If Germans are as direct as he says, I may need to think about learning German and moving there. Anyone have any tips for learning German?

I’m sorry, but no.

I had three awesome dates in a week and a half with a guy. He was great. He was so happy and enthusiastic, all of the time. I loved it. He was adorable, and smart, too. Then he went away to play in a music festival in Massachusetts for three weeks. We hung out as soon as he arrived back in Brooklyn.

He spent the last two weeks being a “funk” and today when I told him, “Peace out, buddy,” he got upset. He apologized for having been a hermit for the last two weeks and that I did nothing wrong. He said he’d realized that he should probably be dating a fellow musician (musicians dating each other always works out, right?) but that he really, really wanted to stay friends.

He said he was trying really hard to be honest, and spent the last couple of weeks super depressed trying to figure out how best not to hurt my feelings. Sorry, dude. The best thing to do would’ve been to tell me as soon as you started avoiding hanging out with me that you just wanted to be friends. Not two weeks later.

The last guy I dated also wanted a medal when he finally admitted that he didn’t think we had much of a connection – four weeks after our last date.

I’m sorry, but no. 

A Nice Surprise

After no word from a “friend” whom I was supposed to have dinner with on Saturday night (also to get back from him my Kundalini yoga DVD!), I picked myself up and went hung out at the bar that my friend was working at, Tangled Vine. Shortly after arriving, I grew restless and when I received a random message from a guy who was very attractive on OkCupid who was in town from Austin asking me for a drink, I did some super out-of-character and spontaneous:

I said yes.

We were going to meet at Felix on West Broadway, but it was a little loud when I got there so I popped across the street to Sanctuary T. The place was adorable, hip, quiet, and decently priced. The dude soon showed up and when I asked what he did in Austin, he said, “I manage a theatre company there." 

Wow! What are the chances, right? I’d checked beforehand, but he was also super liberal (duh, he’s from Austin, but you can never be absolutely sure with Texans). He was very cute, and nice, but a little bit boring. We talked for an hour or so over drinks and then we parted ways.

It was nice to find out that there is a chance that you can get a message from a guy on OkCupid, asking you out for a drink, and he won’t be a total asshole.

I guess that’s the moral of this story. Because he might surprise you and work in your industry too.