Quiet Night In (Not)

I’d planned on having a quiet night in on Saturday night. I really did. I was planning on cooking, hanging out with the furbabies, and possibly reconnecting with my acoustic guitar for the first time in WAY too long. I’d gone to a Kundalini yoga class in the morning and to see Marvin’s Room with Matt (I heart him living closer) in the afternoon and I was getting ready to take off my clothes and settle in. I’d even canceled a tentatively planned date because it was quite obvious that neither one of us was all that interested in the other (as evidenced by our infrequent texts, inability to make ACTUAL PLANS, etc.). I wasn’t upset (my ambivalence over this perfectly nice dude was why I canceled). It just was what it was. I’d even made the choice NOT to ghost him and to actual tell him that I was canceling. #adulting

Then Kristen texted and said she was at a bar on the UES after a friend’s baby shower and I should come over. I dreaded the process of actually getting to the bar (Infirmary on 89th and 2nd) because it took forever last time I had to get to that area, but the train and bus actually synched up pretty well and I got there in 20 minutes. We ate appetizers, drank fRoses, and then I dragged Kristen a couple of blocks away to Caledonia East, a great Scottish cocktail bar where my friend was bartending for the night.

About 30 minutes after we arrived, I noticed a couple walk in and sit down next to us (technically next to Kristen) and I was 99% sure it was the guy I’d canceled on with a new date. I immediately felt less bad and laughed. Out loud. I think he saw me and they then moved to the far end of the bar and a few minutes later left altogether. I told Kristen and my friend who was bartending and we laughed at the coincidence that he would roll into the bar we were in out of all the others in the neighborhood. Only happens to me. (And I’m cool with that because it makes for a great story.) A little while later he texted me saying he was surprised I was on the east side. I guess it was him.

We Uber’ed it back to my apartment after a drink so I could feed my the furballs and we headed over to The Hamilton, which is owned by the same gentleman as Caledonia, and it is equally as amazing. After a few more drinks, we headed back to my apartment and promptly passed out. Kristen had planned to drive home about 5 hours earlier but any attempt to operate a motor vehicle in her (our) state would have resulted in a swift tit punch from yours truly, so she passed out on my couch and I in my bed.

It totally wasn’t the night either one of us had planned, but it was a great night. We spent morning eating egg and cheese sandwiches, snuggling with the cats, and watching The Big Short.

 

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More Than OK

Last Sunday marked one year since I first met this dude after he answered my exhilarating first message on OkCupid that said all of, “Hey!” No, really, that’s all it said. We’d both “liked” each other so maybe that was compelling. 

We went to Anejo in Hell’s Kitchen and ate chips and guac, and drank margaritas and he told me, upfront, that he also did not want kids and I was smitten. We went back to Anejo last Sunday and ate more chips and drank more margaritas. We kept it pretty low key. It was lovely. 

We spend lovely weekends together and do fun stuff and support each other. Our personalities compliment each other’s and we’re amazing partners-in-crime. 

This:

I’ve heard the quote, “A friendship that can end never really began.” And I think it’s pretty much bullshit. New York City is a helluva town, but it also has a helluva lot of people. I’ve run into people who I’ve been friends with and dated who I thought I’d never run into them again after we severed ties. Nope, not the case. You will definitely (probably) run into them.

On the train down to the Heart Like a Hand Grenade screening, I got on the train and looked down the car for a seat and saw a former good friend’s ladyfriend who I’d met all of twice. Astonished (because as far as I knew, they don’t leave Brooklyn), I opened my book and just began to read for the three stops that I was on the train.

I’d met my friend on OkCupid, went out on dates with for a month, and then eventually over the next couple of months we transitioned into being friends. For me, he just drank too much. We didn’t do anything that wasn’t at a bar. But he was kind of fun to hang out with when I wouldn’t be required to kiss him. We spent a lot of time together as friends over the next couple of years and I even became close with his family (I still think his mother is so cool). He’d confided in me a couple of times that yes, he might have a drinking problem and he knew that I had a friend in AA so he wanted to know more information. He never went through with it. Then he started manically dating and after he unofficially had the aforementioned ladyfriend move in after (max) 4 weeks, I severed this relationship. I didn’t agree with his choices and since you can’t change people, I thought it was best not to have this person in my life. Maybe I was wrong to do this. Maybe I wrong in my opinion. Our friendship wasn’t fun anymore though, so it was time to let it go.

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. This was something that took me a while to fully grasp. The memories are still there and they’re still good. Seeing her on the train was a reason to remember the good times that I’d had with him. Without that unexpected reminder though, I was forgetting. But maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t need to remember anymore. 

Maybe it’s time to remember to learn to forget. 

When a Dude is Stunned

A dude messaged me on OkCupid last week or the week before asking if I wanted to go get a pedicure with him. He was totally not my type (probably solely for the reason that one of his photos was of him at the gym) and I told him just as much. I also asked how many women he’d messaged with the same impersonal message. He wrote back saying that the gym picture was bad, that he’d taken it down, and that yes, he’d messaged a bunch of women with the same question but… BUT… I was the cutest one to answer so far.

Wow. 

Well, for some reason I intrigued by him having the balls to admit that so I agreed to dinner tonight. Today, having not heard from him in a few days, I texted him, confirming a time and place to meet. He said either 8 or 9pm at a dumpling place in Koreatown. I asked if we could do 6:30-7pm because it’s a “school night” and I didn’t want to be out late. 

He texted back, “lol okay grandma.” My next text to him was something along the lines of, “Okay, well, I’m canceling. Have a nice Sunday.” He seemed sort of stunned that I was actually canceling and then kept texting me to ask if I was serious and well, OKAY, he was still going to go enjoy dumplings tonight anyways. I told him to have fun and best of luck. 

Sorry, dudes, you can’t be total assholes and then be shocked when I cancel our plans. I have more self respect than that. 

First Time For Everything

I messaged a dude a couple of days ago on OkCupid and then noticed that he kept looking at my profile but not writing back. So, I messaged him again and he finally responded saying that he wasn’t sure if I was out of his league (pshh sure) or not and he’s painfully shy. 

Well, that broke the ice and we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and then met up last night for a drink. He is a first year history professor at NYU and was quite sweet. He’s also divorced and has two kids (who live with his ex-wife in New England)! In all my years of dating (sometimes) older men, I’ve yet to ever encounter one who’s been through a divorce. He seemed rather matter-of-fact about it and not all that torn up; like it was just something that had to happen. Which is totally fine. 

I’m not sure if he was nervous or if we didn’t gel immediately. Not sure if I’ll see him again, but it was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

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Another one bites the dust.

I went on a casual coffee date at the Grumpy’s in midtown on Sunday afternoon (above is the art installation that was being put in). We corresponded casually on OkCupid and the day before I realized that his photos were all of the side of his face. I had no idea what the front of his face looked like. But I knew I’d recognize him because he had a huge beard and reddish hair. We had coffee and chatted. He seemed a bit nervous. I could tell sort of right away that we wouldn’t really click, but I spent an hour chatting with him incase I was wrong. 

We went from Grumpy’s to Gregory’s. While at Gregory’s he asked me if we had a spark because he felt it off and on. I said not really. He asked if I’d want to have a second date to see how things were going to go. I politely declined. 

So, we amicably went our separate ways after 90 minutes and after I declined to get brunch with him. 

I think I need to start dating different types of guys (no Bros though, please). I’ve just been hitting and missing in the last week. 

I might need to take a break all together. 

A Very Interesting Date

I had an incredibly boring date on Friday. And that’s being nice. There was nothing wrong with him, but we had zero to talk about. I ended the date by saying exactly that. I’m quite positive he was relieved too. I was home by 9pm on Friday and I caught up on some R&R while chatting extremely briefly with a dude on OkCupid. We exchanged pleasantries and phone numbers and said we’d possibly get coffee on Sunday.

Well, today was Sunday and we met up at Khave in Hell’s Kitchen and we had a relaxing two and a half hour discussion over teas, smoothies, and tortilla chips. He was German, which I’d somehow completely glossed over on his profile, so naturally I was very interested in the difference between the two countries. (The two countries being Germany and the US, of course.) This is what I learned this afternoon:

  • On a date in Germany people don’t ask questions like “what do you do for work?”
  • Germans aren’t as connected to the fake sense of self like what you do, your religion, your politics, etc.
  • He didn’t know anyone who was religious growing up. Religion is never talked about in politics.
  • Germans are very direct. They say what they think and ask you what you think, mean, need.
  • Germans are also not flakey like Americans.
  • Institutions, like schools, are not there to tell kids what’s right and wrong – that’s left up to the parents.
  • Germans do not like to flaunt their money. If they’re wealthy they try to hide it. Germans are also known for being cheap.
  • On their political spectrum, Bill Clinton would’ve been seen as a very conservative candidate.
  • Germans hated George w. Bush. (Who, with half a brain, didn’t?)
  • When you’re born in Germany, you’re registered under one of four major religious groups: catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or Muslim. But 60-70% of the country identifies as atheist.
  • Scientology isn’t regarded as a religion in Germany. It’s regarded more a cult with economical mindset.

We also discussed Backlash Theory, Malcolm Gladwell, and Freakanomics (which I have yet to read!). Though I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, I know I had a really good time talking to him and I could totally see being friends. 

On another note: If Germans are as direct as he says, I may need to think about learning German and moving there. Anyone have any tips for learning German?

I’m sorry, but no.

I had three awesome dates in a week and a half with a guy. He was great. He was so happy and enthusiastic, all of the time. I loved it. He was adorable, and smart, too. Then he went away to play in a music festival in Massachusetts for three weeks. We hung out as soon as he arrived back in Brooklyn.

He spent the last two weeks being a “funk” and today when I told him, “Peace out, buddy,” he got upset. He apologized for having been a hermit for the last two weeks and that I did nothing wrong. He said he’d realized that he should probably be dating a fellow musician (musicians dating each other always works out, right?) but that he really, really wanted to stay friends.

He said he was trying really hard to be honest, and spent the last couple of weeks super depressed trying to figure out how best not to hurt my feelings. Sorry, dude. The best thing to do would’ve been to tell me as soon as you started avoiding hanging out with me that you just wanted to be friends. Not two weeks later.

The last guy I dated also wanted a medal when he finally admitted that he didn’t think we had much of a connection – four weeks after our last date.

I’m sorry, but no.