When a Dude is Stunned

A dude messaged me on OkCupid last week or the week before asking if I wanted to go get a pedicure with him. He was totally not my type (probably solely for the reason that one of his photos was of him at the gym) and I told him just as much. I also asked how many women he’d messaged with the same impersonal message. He wrote back saying that the gym picture was bad, that he’d taken it down, and that yes, he’d messaged a bunch of women with the same question but… BUT… I was the cutest one to answer so far.

Wow. 

Well, for some reason I intrigued by him having the balls to admit that so I agreed to dinner tonight. Today, having not heard from him in a few days, I texted him, confirming a time and place to meet. He said either 8 or 9pm at a dumpling place in Koreatown. I asked if we could do 6:30-7pm because it’s a “school night” and I didn’t want to be out late. 

He texted back, “lol okay grandma.” My next text to him was something along the lines of, “Okay, well, I’m canceling. Have a nice Sunday.” He seemed sort of stunned that I was actually canceling and then kept texting me to ask if I was serious and well, OKAY, he was still going to go enjoy dumplings tonight anyways. I told him to have fun and best of luck. 

Sorry, dudes, you can’t be total assholes and then be shocked when I cancel our plans. I have more self respect than that. 

Bringing Out the Worst

I know people always say their significant other brings out the best in them and that’s great! But I didn’t know it was actual a thing to date someone who brought out the worst in you – or me, rather.

Remember the guy who liked to talk on the phone and who I had a semi-awful date with last week? He had all the best of intentions and was a genuinely sweet person, but he brought out the absolute worst in me. We had four or five dates and half of them started with him being unable to make plans, showing up late, and/or doing nothing but fighting with me.

This was how our final date went on Sunday. After the awful date last Saturday (which was in part due to the fact that I was in an awful mood, I get it), I took the initiative to make plans for Friday since I knew he was mostly unable to make plans in any timely manner. We were going to have a low key date, order in dinner, and hang at his place in Brooklyn. And I was kind of looking forward to it too.

I texted him on Thursday and asked what time I should show up in Brooklyn. He called and said he unexpectedly had some friends come into town but that he’d still love to get dinner and that he’d pick the place and plan everything. Awesome, I thought. When he called the next day and said he couldn’t find a suitable restaurant to go to in manhattan but that all his favorites were in Park Slope and his friends might be leaving that night anyway. So I should come out to Brooklyn. This was at 8:30pm. Nope. I said lets get dinner but I’d made plans for Saturday morning with my friend that was staying with me. He said he’d come uptown. I told him a place and he said it’d take too long to get that far uptown and he wasn’t even hungry and wasn’t planning in eating anyway. So he’d just sit with me while I ate.

Uh, no.

For some reason we rescheduled for Sunday in his ‘hood for brunch. He picked the place and he texted me at 12:15am on Saturday night but I was already asleep so I responded to him on Sunday and he told me where the place and I went to meet him. One o’clock rolled around and I exited the F train and called him. He said he still hadnt showered but to come to his place and I could hang out while he got ready.

No, no, no. We’d decided on 1pm-ish and I was famished and exhausted. He quickly dressed and met me. I almost walked away before we got to the restaurant because he was being blatantly disagreeable with me but he begged me to have brunch. We walked to the place, put our names on the list, and walked up 5th avenue. I bought an adorable ring for $2.75 at Housing Works and we explored a bunch of other cute stores.

We were called back and seated at the restaurant and had brunch. We talked the entire time about how we had nothing in common (but, he pointed out, we were both human beings – well if that’s all it takes, let me just date everyone!), he hated how his food came out after he’d put in a very specific order, and then the rest of the time we quietly argued about our blatantly obvious differences.

When I said afterward that I didn’t see this going anywhere and that I thought it’d be best if I went home he was livid. I’d been expressing the entire afternoon how I didn’t think we were compatible but he just pressed on.

I had to cut it off though. I left, feeling badly if I’d hurt him, but mostly relieved because it was frustrating being around him. It felt like babysitting. I’d told him I’d dated guys like him before to which he responded, and I quote, “Uh no, I can tell you for sure that you’ve never dated anyone like me!

Well, okay

And I decided I wanted to keep it that way too. 

Just received this message on OkStupid:

Hey, What’s going on? Not much here. I really would like to get to know you, and have sent you emails before, but never heard back from you, I get that either you could be uninterested, busy, or perhaps just missed my chance, but I’d rather write 1 last email for 2nd chance, then none at all, I really would love to talk, and discuss what we’re interested in, hobbies, what we like to do for fun, what makes us laugh and so on, so I can really learn more about you and see if there is any chemistry. I don’t really believe much into the OKCupid quiz, and my profile is not really going to give deep insight to my soul, so let’s talk, let me know what you’re cell is or instant messenger or something so we can communicate and take it from there… Thanks! I appreciate your time in reading this, and hopefully in giving me a chance. 
Sincerely, 
[Redacted]

Talk about a boring message. I fell asleep before I finished it. Yes, this isn’t the first time he’s sent me a message and while persistence is appreciated in the real world, it’s just creepy online. He’s a 34yo Jerseyite. We don’t have anything in common [as evident by reading his profile]. I should totally respond, right? (Kidding.)  I hate OkCupid sometimes.