The Case For Porn

There’s a British YouTuber I like named Hannah Witton and today she posted a video about the benefits of porn. I was in a relationship once with a guy who had an addiction to porn (it is real, check out YouTuber Shan Boody’s video that explains what a porn addiction is). It screwed up our relationship royally. He was unable to get aroused because he watched too much porn, then he felt bad, then he watched more, then he felt bad again… etc. You get it.

Personally, I’m OK with porn and I’d totally be open to watching it with a partner, but porn caused him a whole bunch of shame. I didn’t get it. It’s porn! There’s ridiculous porn that sets unrealistic expectations for both men and women, but there’s porn out there that is more real. I was probably more disappointed than anything that he didn’t want to invite me into his viewing sessions. Oh well. His loss…?

But I think the shame that comes with an addiction to porn is a result of the shame that we place on those who watch porn. We refuse to think of it as an art form and call the people in the actors onscreen dirty sluts and whores. I’ve done it before. You know you’ve done it, too. We refuse to see the value in watching it so we write off the people who do find it valuable (if they can enjoy it in a healthy way and they’re not addicted).

I guess this is a really roundabout way of saying: Porn has it’s place and it’s time to stop shaming people who like it.

And on a not totally-unrelated aside, you should check out the musical “Pretty Filthy,” which is a docu-musical about porn stars in LA. It was off-Broadway a few years ago and it was pretty great and eye-opening.


All About That Me-Time

I’ve sucked at blogging recently. I have to write about Angels in America, Half a Sixpence, and Once in the UK. And I saw Steve Kazee at 54 Below last Thursday but I haven’t written about that yet either. And my cousin’s wedding last week was gorgeous but where are the photos? Whoops. I’ve been lazy. Sorry, not sorry.

But I’m slowly starting to rediscover me. My passions. I’m going to pick up my guitar again (I swear goddamnit). I’ll even take out my ukulele. I’m going to volunteer more. I’m going to go to meditation events (starting with Medi Club on the 20th at MSG which will either be awesome or awful). I might go to something called Touchpoint, which my friend hosts every month and is all about sex-positive talks (and I could totally use that after the past little while). I’m trying to look up more concerts but it seems that I just missed Cage the Elephant. And Spoon, Guster, Ted Leo, and The Decemberists aren’t playing here anytime soon. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Weezer is playing at a festival in September, but festivals aren’t my thing. And Green Day just announced today that they’re playing in the Global Citizens Festival in September, too. But that’s September. That’s a whole month away.

I went to redeem my free anniversary class today at MNDFL and it was just lovely. I’m going to go to more meditation events because that’s where my heart is. Maybe I’ll eventually start teaching yoga, too.

I’m going to try to see one show per week. Or at least try. Because the past two months have been so busy that the last show I saw on THE BROADWAY was on June 1st. Which is shameful. Yes, I was away a lot and I saw three shows abroad, but come on. Who am I?!

I get to be fully myself again and I have zero persons to answer to (I wasn’t before, but there’s no one there to even comment).

Maybe I’ll make a YouTube channel? I have no idea what I’d talk about though.

I’m all about the me-time and I’m taking advantage of it. So, if I’m quiet, it’s because I’m out doing awesome shit.


So I skipped seeing Fifty Shades of Grey in theatres on opening weekend (I was congested) but I went to this morning (which, yes, I know, is kind of like drinking whiskey before, or so I’ve been told). Since it was before noon, it meant the ticket was half price and I was going to hop into a showing of Still Alice (so good, but depressing!) afterward so technically I was paying $4 to see the movie. 

So, I hate to say it, I didn’t think it was possible, but the dialogue in the movie might be worse than the writing in the books. It was so cheesy. But unlike the two costars chemistry in various interviews and photoshoots, they do seem like they have chemistry in the movie. So, you know, that’s good. Possibly some spoiler alerts ahead….

The movie is pretty much the same as the book, but I feel like there was way less sex (they don’t, as I predicted, show the scene where he rips her tampon out because he has to have sex with her again at that very moment for the 1000th time). We never see Ana meet with Grey’s doctor and we never see Jose after the night that he sexually assaults Ana. 

Is it a bad sign that I didn’t flinch at all when they first panned around Christian’s Red Room? There were some riding crops, some restraints, lots of floggers, a couch, and a bed. What’s the big deal? I didn’t see any knives around. (Let me know if I missed something though!)

There’s a meme going around on Facebook right now saying that Christian’s pursuits of Ana were only OK because he was a gorgeous billionaire and if he lived in a trailer, he would’ve ended up in jail. I agree. This is probably the case. However, a dude who lives in a trailer doesn’t have the means to fly someone in their personal helicopter to their penthouse or bestow upon them lavish gifts like first editions of books, Macbooks, or Audis. Christian tells Ana time and time again that she is free to leave whenever she wants to and his driver will take her home, etc. There are a few other things that I’d like to contest:

First: There was an article I read saying he plied her with alcohol, implying she was also drunk when she was talked into having sex with him. This is false, false, false. The night when she is fall down-blacked out drunk is the night that Christian saves her from being sexually assaulted by Jose after she graduates. Because she vomits all over herself and passes out, he takes her back to his hotel room, puts her in an oversized white t-shirt and lets her sleep. He gives her Advil and breakfast the next morning. Wow, what a manipulative asshole. Alcohol is in various scenes but it’s used as “stage” business. He takes out, glasses, pours the wine, they maybe take one sip, and then they put it down to go have sex somewhere. He is not using alcohol as a device to get her to do what he wants.

Next myth: she is being abused. She is so not. He keeps giving her multiple outs if she’s not comfortable or wants to leave. They have safe words. He checks with her that she knows what those safe words are (red and yellow) before anything happens. When she is restrained and getting flogged or whatnot, she is smiling and by all means looks 100% to be enjoying herself. Is this something she ever thought she’d be into? I’m guessing not. But like I said: she had ways to tell him to stop and he, I believe, would have. He was all about the trust (both in the books AND movie). If you’ve ever been flogged, you know it doesn’t really hurt (I’m sure, if done in a certain way, it CAN hurt but how he was using it, I’m quite sure that was not the intention). 

The only time when he goes too far is when she asks, rather demands, to experience the “worst of it.” He hits her (on her ass) six times with a belt. This is too much for her and understandably so (it sounded like it hurt a lot). She is obviously not a painslut. As we’ll find out in the sequel (spoiler alert!), he’ll go to her and ask why she didn’t use the safe word like they’d agreed upon. 

So, I’m going to go ahead and say that everything Ana did was her choice (and Dakota said in her interview with Glamour the same thing). She got pushed past her boundaries in the last scene because she allowed it. 

I liked the movie, but didn’t love it (probably because of the heinous dialogue). I think this was pretty vanilla compared to the book and actual real-life BDSM. I think the disservice that this franchise does is portray all those who partake in BDSM as formerly abused children, which isn’t the case at all.

But what’d you think of the movie? I’d love to hear.