A terrible, awful, no good, very bad day (sort of).

staying conscious.

I was in the worst of moods ever yesterday. Like, ever. I promise you.

I woke up yesterday, slightly tired and a little bit hazy from the cheap  vodka I’d had a bit of the night before at the worst bar ever, but ready to tackle the day. First up was one of my favorite ass-kicking yoga classes with one of my favorite teachers. It was great until she told us to kick up into a headstand. I was wobbly and couldn’t do it on my own. And my mat was sliding around. It seemed everything was going wrong and my world was collapsing in on me (drama queen moment).

I realized after class that I still had yet to hear from the guy I was seeing that night about what exactly we were doing. He called me and told me he liked my snarky text that I’d sent the previous day. From the first words out of my mouth, he could tell that I was not a happy camper. He kept repeating that he just wanted to spend time with me and he didn’t care what we did. So I suggested that we go down to the Sunshine Theater and see A Place at the Table. He said sure, sounds good, and let’s get dinner before. Because I was impatient, I picked the place for dinner again because he didn’t have any ideas (because, again, he said he didn’t really care, he just wanted to see me).

My bad mood persisted all day. I went to meet him at 8 and he texted me saying he’d be ten minutes late. I’m a punctuality freak, so this bugs the shit out of me. I said no problem, but when he ended up being 30 minutes late, I was even more annoyed. When he arrived, he was nice and as flattering as ever, but nothing could shake me. He asked how my week had been and told me how glad he was to see me. When I told him I was stressed, he asked if he could do anything to help. I said no. (And honestly, the only thing that would’ve made me feel better was to go home.) By the time the movie was over, my bad mood had refused to go away, so I sent myself home. 

I felt awful because I did want to spend more time with him, but not then. I was conscious that I was in a shitty mood and I knew that I needed to go home. I texted him when I got home, apologizing and tell him my foul mood wasn’t (entirely) his fault (his being bad at making plans and lateness just exacerbated it) and to please call me the next day.

I slept for ten hours and when I started to become conscious, I knew I didn’t want to be in a crappy mood again so I downloaded a few morning meditation MP3’s from Gabrielle Bernstein and spent about 10 minutes putting a positive start on my day. Then I ran 5k and went to The Strand. He called while I was at The Strand and he asked how I was feeling. I said better and apologized again for my behavior the night before. He said it was okay and asked when I was free this week. 

I’m going to try to start meditating every morning, even if it’s only for 6 minutes, to put a positive spin on the start of my day. It helped today so it could help every day. I’m also looking forward to see the guy this Friday. I want to try to have a stress-free date with him, with no pressure regarding whatever we’re doing, and just go with the flow.

That’s really, really hard for me. 

I rounded together a few books recently and took them to the Strand to sell them on Saturday.  I’m not exactly sure how selling your books on Amazon works but I know it includes going to the post office to mail them out to someone, and considering how much I wait on lines at the Post Office for work, I decided to go the other route.  I probably lost some (a lot) of money but it’s fine.  Maybe I’ll figure it out in the future.  I sold the above books because I was never going to read them and I was tired of them being dusty and taking up space – 3 of them are acting texts, so I’m definitely never going to need those again!  

I have to say though, the staff at the Strand was quite rude.  I’ve been to the Strand a hundred times and have never experienced any rude treatment.  I was being barked at to go get on the line outside when there was no line!  

I only got $10 for the above books, but I guess $10 is better than $0!