Bait & Switch (& Switched Again)

I’m doing a free two-week pass at Yoga Shanti (the studio across the street from my office) and I went to a class that was listed as “Open” last week. I was expecting it to be Iyengar/Ashtanga with different levels of difficulty for each pose. But then I got to the class and the teacher exclaimed, “it’s restorative day!” 

And so I altered my expectations from getting a mild workout to getting no work out at all, but relaxing. I was disappointed at first, but then I reframed and thought, “you know, I had a colposcopy yesterday so maybe this is for the best!” and got excited. 

Then… it turned out to not be so restorative. Or at least not the kind of restorative class I was expecting when I hear something described as “restorative.” There were lots of inversions, which I know are restorative, but for me, they’re not really relaxing. We did the kinds where my neck is hanging in midair and makes me really stress out. 

Not exactly the kind of restorative that I was hoping for. 

But then that’s what happens when you walk into a situation with expectations. 

Controlling Your Thoughts

I need to meditate more. Because my anxiety is brutal lately.

I’d bought an amethyst crystal bracelet at Rock Star Crystals last week for “calm” and I thought it’d been working.  

Then I left a beautiful yoga class at Yoga Shanti, a studio across the street from my office that’s absolutely beautiful, last night and saw a Slack message from my boss and absolutely lost my shit. It was just a simple question but I made it mean that I did something wrong, when I’m 99.9% sure, I did not. I immediately text my boyfriend and began stressing him out. I felt really bad. I responded to the message when I got home and spent the rest of the night watching Orange is the New Black

I’m feeling like I need to tune back in and sit in quiet stillness more often. I have a meditation MP3 from from Kris Carr that is 14 minutes long.  It’s mostly just soothing music and Kris Carr reminding you every few minutes to keep counting your breath. I sat through it last night for the first time and it was Hard with a capital H. This means I need to do be doing it regularly

A year ago this would’ve been easy. I would’ve been going to the Be Society on a weekly basis and I probably would’ve gone to The Big Quiet at least twice by now. 

I made plans to go to the next Big Quiet in July with one of my yoga teacher friends. And I emailed a teacher of Transcendental Meditation who I’ve practiced with a few times in the past and signed up for his August TM course. It’s time to finally get serious with my TM training. Everyone swears by it. Oh, and I’m going on my first yoga retreat in July. Which I’m so excited for.

I need to journal more and not rely on others to talk me down off my Stress Cliffs of Death. I want to go take a Reki healing class too because those are always fun, too. 

I don’t think I need meds. I don’t want to take meds. I think meds are great for people who really, really need them, but I don’t want them yet. I want to continue to learn how to control my mind. 

Stressed, Tired, Rushed: A Portrait of the Modern Family

I think the New York Times published this in an attempt to decrease the population because who honestly would be like “yay kids!” after reading it? This survey should be called, “No Shit, Sherlock” because here are their astonishing findings:

  • Women do most of the housework, but men feel like it’s equal. (Of course they do!)
  • Parents who work and have kids are stressed.
  • Being a parent in America blows because you have no help unless you’re willing to pay top dollar for it. 

And yet thousands of people sign up for this never-ending-load-of-stress every year. I’m not saying it doesn’t have it’s benefits for the right person (I mean, who better to pick out your retirement home than the person who you tried to control for the first 18 years of their life?!), but come on. People who have kids in their twenties, unless they’re rich, are just begging to die an early death. 

Life is stressful enough as is. At least establish yourself in your career and try to have some sort of a stable life and income before you go dragging down another life or two into it.

Stressed, Tired, Rushed: A Portrait of the Modern Family

“What would you say is your biggest weakness?”

Don’t you hate that question in interviews? You’re supposed to turn it into a positive, right? “Working too hard!” “I can never leave before the job is done!” I think most interviewers can see right through that crap nowadays though. 

In my last interview I decided to be honest about this. And what was my answer? I sometimes feed off my colleague’s stress. I’ve gotten pretty fantastic at managing stress (through therapy and meditation, mostly) but when my coworkers get stressed out, I sometimes have trouble not letting it affect me.

I’m fine in stressful situations, but watching someone next to me crumble and huff and puff over something that’s not life-threatening? It’s not necessary and it’s not helpful, to themselves or anyone in the room. 

So next time you’re getting stressed out, think about how you’re effecting the energy of the room and take a breath. Unless you are saving lives, it’s not a life-or-death matter. 

Oh, and I got the job. I start on Monday and I’m super excited to be transitioning from finance to digital media. Sometimes it pays to be honest 🙂

A terrible, awful, no good, very bad day (sort of).

staying conscious.

I was in the worst of moods ever yesterday. Like, ever. I promise you.

I woke up yesterday, slightly tired and a little bit hazy from the cheap  vodka I’d had a bit of the night before at the worst bar ever, but ready to tackle the day. First up was one of my favorite ass-kicking yoga classes with one of my favorite teachers. It was great until she told us to kick up into a headstand. I was wobbly and couldn’t do it on my own. And my mat was sliding around. It seemed everything was going wrong and my world was collapsing in on me (drama queen moment).

I realized after class that I still had yet to hear from the guy I was seeing that night about what exactly we were doing. He called me and told me he liked my snarky text that I’d sent the previous day. From the first words out of my mouth, he could tell that I was not a happy camper. He kept repeating that he just wanted to spend time with me and he didn’t care what we did. So I suggested that we go down to the Sunshine Theater and see A Place at the Table. He said sure, sounds good, and let’s get dinner before. Because I was impatient, I picked the place for dinner again because he didn’t have any ideas (because, again, he said he didn’t really care, he just wanted to see me).

My bad mood persisted all day. I went to meet him at 8 and he texted me saying he’d be ten minutes late. I’m a punctuality freak, so this bugs the shit out of me. I said no problem, but when he ended up being 30 minutes late, I was even more annoyed. When he arrived, he was nice and as flattering as ever, but nothing could shake me. He asked how my week had been and told me how glad he was to see me. When I told him I was stressed, he asked if he could do anything to help. I said no. (And honestly, the only thing that would’ve made me feel better was to go home.) By the time the movie was over, my bad mood had refused to go away, so I sent myself home. 

I felt awful because I did want to spend more time with him, but not then. I was conscious that I was in a shitty mood and I knew that I needed to go home. I texted him when I got home, apologizing and tell him my foul mood wasn’t (entirely) his fault (his being bad at making plans and lateness just exacerbated it) and to please call me the next day.

I slept for ten hours and when I started to become conscious, I knew I didn’t want to be in a crappy mood again so I downloaded a few morning meditation MP3’s from Gabrielle Bernstein and spent about 10 minutes putting a positive start on my day. Then I ran 5k and went to The Strand. He called while I was at The Strand and he asked how I was feeling. I said better and apologized again for my behavior the night before. He said it was okay and asked when I was free this week. 

I’m going to try to start meditating every morning, even if it’s only for 6 minutes, to put a positive spin on the start of my day. It helped today so it could help every day. I’m also looking forward to see the guy this Friday. I want to try to have a stress-free date with him, with no pressure regarding whatever we’re doing, and just go with the flow.

That’s really, really hard for me. 

#yogistress

Yoga has been stressing me out a lot lately. Not the actual practice but GOING to yoga. And getting home after at 9:30, famished and irritated that it’s 9:30 and that I’m starving.

Then there’s also the fact that one of the classes I was going to as my “challenging” class is no longer challenging. I think, according to my heart rate monitor, I only burned 150 calories. I used to sweat my ass off in that class. Not so much anymore. And that’s great because it means I’m getting better, but frustrating because I have to switch up my class schedule to find harder classes to go to. I also kinda hate the teacher of this now too-easy class.

I’ve been going to yoga on Saturdays and Sundays a lot recently because two of my favorite teachers teach on the weekends. But I know I won’t always want to get up at 8 on the weekends.

I know, I know, it’s all so “first world problem,” but it’s been really frustrating me lately. Maybe I’ll switch to one yoga class during the week, two on the weekends, and running in the gym in my basement twice a week (or three?).

Sounds like a good compromise with myself.