Real Clothes

I don’t know what real clothes look like anymore. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I feel like I’ve forgotten how to put myself together. After spending four weeks in yoga pants, five days a week, and desperately avoiding having to put on clothes other than sweaters or leggings, I now can’t even remember what I used to wear to work on a daily basis. Damn you, yoga teacher training and general laziness.

I’ve had a few interviews in the past two weeks and it’s been a struggle to force jeans onto my legs. And I’ve lost 6 pounds in the past month (yay!), so it’s not that they no longer fit! To quote the poet Cher Horowitz, they’re just “so binding.”

I had an interview today for a temp job in the HR department of a fashion company and when I went out it was a fashion company, my first thought was, “oh shit.” I wasn’t sure how I was going to convince these people that I gave two fucks about fashion when I clearly don’t. I ultimately decided upon a 5+ year old black wrap dress from Old Navy with black boots and a hot pink leather jacket. 

(Let’s not talk about how the recruiter gave me the wrong address for their offices and the offices are actually located an hour+ away from me via subway. In the end, I chose not to go or to reschedule. Because the fashion industry sucks and Whitehall Street is really hella far away.)

How should I rectify the situation? I thought an inventory review of my closet was in order. IS in order. Meaning, I have yet to do it. But I will. Soon enough. After a season of leggings and sweaters, I have no idea what else is left in my closet. Does that happen to anyone else?

Nevertheless, here’s to trying to dress like an actual human being again. 

I went through one of my wardrobes this week to see what I’ve worn and what I haven’t since I did that whole turning-your-hangers-the-wrong-way experiment a couple of months ago. I was happy and surprised to see that I’ve worn over half of my wardrobe in the last few months (worn stuff is on the left, and unworn stuff is on the right – you can kind of see the divide). 

I knew exactly what I probably haven’t worn: Cardigans. Wraps. Things you wear over tank tops and t-shirts. I’m not wearing ANY of that during winter because all I want to wear when it’s cold are sweaters. Those couple of plaid shirts hiding? I’m probably never going to wear those either. I always intend to wear them because they look super cute on other people but then I’m always like: “eh, sweater.” Because it’s still cold. Really, really fucking cold.

I’m definitely feeling the need to go all Marie Kondo Method again to get rid of even more clothing. Specifically my jean collection. I believe I’ve worn all of two, possibly three, pairs of jeans since I started this experiment. I even found (and immediately discarded) a pair of skinny jeans from probably 6 years ago with a huge hole on the inner thigh of one of the legs (chaffing from when I was 40lbs heavier). I think I’ve worn my black skinny jeans, my blue skinny jeans, and maybe a regular pair of flare jeans. Maybe. (Though probably not, let’s be honest.)

So, I’m feeling the need to purge again. I’ll probably do it this weekend. I wore a sweater from the right side of the closet today and it was actually kind of cute, but it was super itchy, too. 

I’ll just file this under “First World Problems” and call it a day.