Controlling Your Thoughts

I need to meditate more. Because my anxiety is brutal lately.

I’d bought an amethyst crystal bracelet at Rock Star Crystals last week for “calm” and I thought it’d been working.  

Then I left a beautiful yoga class at Yoga Shanti, a studio across the street from my office that’s absolutely beautiful, last night and saw a Slack message from my boss and absolutely lost my shit. It was just a simple question but I made it mean that I did something wrong, when I’m 99.9% sure, I did not. I immediately text my boyfriend and began stressing him out. I felt really bad. I responded to the message when I got home and spent the rest of the night watching Orange is the New Black

I’m feeling like I need to tune back in and sit in quiet stillness more often. I have a meditation MP3 from from Kris Carr that is 14 minutes long.  It’s mostly just soothing music and Kris Carr reminding you every few minutes to keep counting your breath. I sat through it last night for the first time and it was Hard with a capital H. This means I need to do be doing it regularly

A year ago this would’ve been easy. I would’ve been going to the Be Society on a weekly basis and I probably would’ve gone to The Big Quiet at least twice by now. 

I made plans to go to the next Big Quiet in July with one of my yoga teacher friends. And I emailed a teacher of Transcendental Meditation who I’ve practiced with a few times in the past and signed up for his August TM course. It’s time to finally get serious with my TM training. Everyone swears by it. Oh, and I’m going on my first yoga retreat in July. Which I’m so excited for.

I need to journal more and not rely on others to talk me down off my Stress Cliffs of Death. I want to go take a Reki healing class too because those are always fun, too. 

I don’t think I need meds. I don’t want to take meds. I think meds are great for people who really, really need them, but I don’t want them yet. I want to continue to learn how to control my mind. 

Getting Back On It

One of my meditation teachers once told a group of us that part of our practice was completely losing our practice and then finding it again. She had just completed a film she was working on and that meant she’d been working 16 hour days 6 days a week. She’d completely lost focus of anything but work and meditation took a back seat. But that was OK. And she’s a meditation teacher.

Hearing that a few weeks (months?) prior to leaving for Europe prepared me for my 12 day trip to Scandinavia and completely forgetting to and/or being too tired to meditate. I did do pranayama nightly, I suppose, when I was trying to fall asleep (it’s never just as quick as Close-Your-Eyes-And-Sleep for me), inhaling and exhaling for four counts. I guess that counts? But not really when you’re used to meditating at least twice a day for 3+ years.

I didn’t meditate until the day or two after I got back (I was, unsurprisingly, exhausted), but now I’ve finally gotten back into it. i started easy with 5 minute meditations when I woke up and before I went to bed, and eventually increased to 10-15 minutes before bed. Last week’s meeting of The BE Society really kicked my ass back into gear. Group meditation is the best and when we were all back together again, one of my friends said, “Dude, I felt it this summer when we didn’t meet and it was not good.” In other words, she’d lost her practice, but that was okay: she was re-starting.

At my last job, I lead daily meditation breaks (just a quick but totally effective) and it was pretty awesome. Everyone loved it. I’ve been toying with the idea of deepening my practice and understanding of meditation, so one of my friends, who’s a trained yoga and meditation teacher, suggested Alan Finger’s meditation classes at ISHTA Yoga. Today I registered for the next master class with Alan Finger on Saturday, November 7th and if I enjoy his method, I’ll probably register for his 3-day meditation teacher training in December (if I can take a half-day off).

So, despite the fact that I lost my practice for almost two weeks, I am getting back on my bike, so to speak, and taking myself even further. I’m not broke (surprisingly, after a trip around Scandinavia), the price isn’t too steep, and I think I’ll get a hell of a lot out of it. So, why not? Like with every practice, if it’s really beneficial to you, you’ll find your way back to it.  

Tonight is The BE Society’s second meet-up since their summer hiatus and I’m actually going to be able to get downtown to join in and be. I’m so excited. I missed this so much during the summer. 

This photo is from a gathering in the winter. It feels like so long ago. I’m definitely glad the summer is over.

Last night I was crazy. I found a way to fit in both a meditation gathering AND a yoga class.

The Be Society was meeting in one of the penthouses in the Mondrian SoHo Hotel on Crosby Street, right around the corner from the SoHo YogaWorks. It was from 6:45-7:45pm. It was awesome. The room was amazing, complete with 180* views of the city (above is one part). The meditation was led by Lodro Rinzler who wrote the book The Buddha Walks Into a Bar and he’s studied buddhism and meditation since he was about 17. There were probably 50 people there, the largest gathering I’ve seen. We all made space and made new friends.

After that I ran over to an hour yoga class at YogaWorks. It was awesome. I didn’t get home til 10, but it was worth it.