File Under: Phrases That Should Never Be Used

I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

Someone wrote this recently alongside a picture of themselves with their fiance because they had just gotten engaged (very happy for them, seriously!). My first thought was, “What was stopping you before the expensive piece of jewelry?

Seriously, am I wrong? Weren’t you (not just this person specifically but anyone who says that ever) planning on doing that anyways before he (or she!) started saving and you both decided it was a good idea to have the government involved in your relationship?

A much older (like, 70 years old) and wiser (she should really write a book) cousin is incredibly against marriage (it’s not a good idea to invite the government in bed with your relationship, she says). She’s been married twice, so she has experience with it. She had a child with her second husband at a very late age (luckily, she’s always been in incredible health) in an attempt to make him happy, because he seemed to really want a child (though she did not, but she didn’t mind) and she thought it would help make him happy. She told me recently, “If someone is unhappy, having a child is not going to make them any less unhappy.”

Point taken. 

The one perk of marriage she could think of was hospital visitation rights. That’s valid. Those are important. But the rest of it? Use lawyers to say what belongs to whom; have a joint bank account for bills, but keep your accounts separate. Get a Power of Attorney or something for your partner to have legal rights to sign things over for you. 

I mean, to each their own, duh. If you want to get married, awesome! If not, that’s fine, too. But can you do it without saying you “can’t wait to spend the rest of your life” with said-partner? Because it’s redundant and makes zero sense. 

Unless of course this is an arranged marriage. Then I totally get it. 

My Night with Alabama

Is Alabamans the name for people from Alabama? I’d imagine so. Let me know if I’m wrong. 

I’d gone with J last Saturday night to a bar in the Flatiron so he could see one of his good friends from his first job in DC for the first time in years and somehow I ended up hanging out at a table that was more than half full of Alabamans. That’s a sentence I never thought I’d say! 

His friend’s fiancee is from Alabama (she was super sweet!) and she met up with four friends from high school/college who were vacationing in the city or lived here. Two of them were not yet 30 and vacationing in the big city for their 5 year wedding anniversary. A different way of life, indeed. 

Politics never came up, and probably for the best. But Fucking A, I have never in my life felt so pressured to be engaged and/or married. When we were asked how long we’d been together and we said our 1-year anniversary was the prior week, the couple celebrating their 5-year anniversary looked at each other and said, “oh, we were engaged after a year!” And then they started discussing engagement rings and how I have to take him shopping for one so he doesn’t get me a bad ring. I smiled and nodded and then changed the topic because I’m in no rush to get married. I don’t see it as a necessary step in a relationship or in life. 

They were super nice people and I had fun, despite my being incredibly exhausted. But man, am I glad I don’t live in Alabama and that I wasn’t married right out of college. Talk about boring. Where’s the room for life experiences if you’re already playing house when you’re 22? 

One thing is for sure: they’ll be fun to drink with at the wedding! 

Different strokes, man….

Why having children is bad for your marriage

Life affirming indeed. I think women probably still say it (the pain and suffering) was “worth it” because it’s what they’ve been conditioned (brainwashed?) to think. I think women are only recently coming to terms with the fact that they don’t, in fact, need to breed and that’s OK (it’s also okay if you want to have kids, but for the right reasons, please).

I’d love for mothers to ask themselves what they would’ve done with those nine months of torture being pregnant and the following 18 years if they’d chose not to procreate?

Couples realizing they have nothing in common after their kids leave the nest is a huge problem, methinks. I’ve watched couples have kids and never again have hobbies of their own. Sad.com.

Will the media please stop reinforcing this untrue fantasy that people, and women in particular, are incomplete if they don’t have children? Please, please, please.

Travel, have dinner parties, spend time with your friends, go take a cooking class, get a PhD… there are a plethora of other options besides having kids.

Why having children is bad for your marriage

Just couldn’t.

I’d been temping as a bookkeeper at an event planning agency for the last (almost) two months in midtown and on Friday, that time came to an end. I was placed here by a staffing agency and the company was sold me as a marketing agency but it very much isn’t. I realized that when I sat down to review budgets my first week and saw that every other event was a wedding. And not just a wedding, a $1 million+ wedding.

I know: people are free to spend their money as they see fit. Fine. But I can’t wrap my mind around how some people spend more on a single day than most people make in a year (or ten years). Some were on far-away private islands. Some used private jets to get there. Others purchased iPads for all of their 200 guests. Yeah, it was those kinds of weddings. The “My Super Sweet 16″ of weddings.

Maybe I couldn’t stomach it because I’d love a courthouse wedding, with chicken wings and beer at a bar alongside friends and family afterwards, while wearing a cream dress that somewhat resembles a nightgown. Who knows.

I also learned that I’m not really good with hospitality. You know: pandering to the 1% of the population who think they’re special because of their upbringing or what the number in their bank account reads. This is partially why I’ve always liked bookkeeping/finance/accounting.
You get to be on the back end of the company and you don’t have to
bullshit with clients all day. My inability to be hospitable is important because I also did the bookkeeping for the child company of the larger company which sells mixers for margaritas and bloody mary’s, among other things. When I said I was sending out emails to stores who were delinquent in their payments (I’m talking about 3+ months), the other girl who works on the company immediately sought me out after the first one went out and asked me to, maybe, be a little softer. My initial reaction: Um, what? Why? They’re 3+ months overdue on a $70 bill. They need to get their shit together and pay us.

So: hospitality isn’t for me and I’m glad I learned that.

I digress.

Around the holidays, I’d sent out a few resumes because I was afraid they a) weren’t going to hire me full time (that was the plan) and I’d be jobless, or b) they would hire me full time and I’d have to do bookkeeping for the 1%’s ridiculously extravagant events for the rest of my life (#dramatic).

Believe me, I see the paradox there, too. I want a job, but I don’t want that job.

I was also bored as fuck, after only two months. Don’t get me wrong, the people I was working with were lovely and my boss was fantastic. It just wasn’t the right place. Luckily, an opportunity to work at a start-up that really excited me came up last week and I couldn’t say no, so I didn’t. This opportunity came along just after I’d convinced myself that the current role would be fine for now. I’d gotten over the initial disappoint of being at a place that plans million-dollar weddings. The flattering thing was that when I told my boss, she asked if she could make a counter offer. I politely-as-possible declined though. 

Anywho: I’ll be doing HR and operations (what I wanted to segue my career back into anyhow) with a dozen or so awesome, passionate people (including a good friend of mine).

I’m excited and I’m leaving the old job in great shape, better than it was in when I came along. I guess that’s all they can ask for. I’m really grateful for the opportunity to continue to refine my bookkeeping and people-managing skills at this company, though and not be broke during the holidays. That was cool too.

On/Up.

Sunday, per usual.

Yesterday started off lazily. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do and it was nice out, so I went to run the loop in Central Park. I’ve never been able to accomplish this before, and I didn’t yesterday either, but I did about 5.4 miles so I was okay with that. I also did hurt my knee or ankle which have been kind of sore and/or hurting, so that was good.

I sat down on the grass to stretch and check my texts, and I saw this, text which turned into this conversation:

That was at 11am. After that I ran to TJ Maxx, where I sadly didn’t find any dresses I liked, so I went home, pulled something out of my closet, and proceeded to shower, do my hair, make-up, nails, feed myself, and make (by a hair, and I mean a hair – like I was buying my ticket as they announcing the doors were closing and I yelled to the conductor to stop – and he did!) a 1:45pm train out to Long Island. 

After a lovely hour and a half drive to Port Jeff (about two towns over from where I grew up), and listening to lots of unique music, we arrived at the venue. The wedding of two actors, of course, included singing. As part of their vows they sang a lovely acoustic version of Grow Old With You – from The Wedding Singer. The Rabbi was a woman, which I loved, and the ceremony was outside and very nice. 

There were toasts, and drinks, and food, and we headed out around 9:30 to head back to the city.

Typical Sunday, indeed. Two weddings in two weeks? No problem.

Sometimes there’s a moment when you’re at a friend’s party and you see someone across a room who you might recognize but you don’t know from where. You exchange glances until one of you (him) breaks the silence and comes over to say hello. You talk for hours and when you decide to leave the party and there’s no paper to be found, he writes his number on your arm and, with pleading eyes, says you really have to call or text him. You both know that you have to see each other again.

And you do text him, the very next morning because why play games? He says he’s waiting for the bus and going back DC, where he lives. You text and talk daily for the next weeks and you somehow gather the courage to ask him to be your date to your girlfriend’s wedding, since he’d planned to come up the next day to hang out anyway. To your absolute shock he accepts, excitedly even.

He’s a wicked dancer and super personable. You’re totally impressed. You spend the weekend together, talking and getting to know one another. You eat pizza, drink wine, stroll through Central Park, watch an awful movie on Netflix.

Before he leaves he thanks you for a brilliant weekend, and for showing him a part of New York that he’d never seen before that he quite liked. As you watch him drive away, you smile and think how nice it was to get to know a new person and you admit that you might not see him again for a while. But you definitely enjoyed the escape from reality for the weekend.

My trophy date (and good friend) Ben & I at my best friend’s sister’s wedding last night on Long Island last night. I loved this dress. I bought it at TJ Maxx. It’s a designer that my mom had heard of but I hadn’t (no surprise there, I haven’t heard of most designers). 

The weather may have been monsoon like, and we did get stuck in 3 hours worth of traffic on a normally-45 minute trip, but it was a great wedding. 

Rockin’ the Suburbs & a Simple Farm Wedding

When Michael, one of my best guy friends, asked me if I’d consider being his date for his sister’s wedding in Connecticut I said of course. I’d met his sister and his fiance only once, but they were pretty awesome. When he told me that it was a wedding at a farm, I was ecstatic. I’ve had a little bit of an infatuation with farms since last year when I started becoming a Ronnybrook fangirl. Anyways.

We drove up on Thursday night to his parent’s house. It was late so we decided to make it a legit road trip in the country and we stopped for dinner at a Dairy Queen in Meriden.

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See how it glows? Yeah, it was pretty disgusting. But in the totally satisfying way because we were starving. We arrived at his parents house where we were greeted with hugs, smiles, and wine. The plan for the next three days was relayed our way and we settled in. 

The next day the guys went golfing and I helped the mother of the bride and the bride construct their table seating cards. They were simple and beautiful! We all eventually ventured to Tyrone Farm in Pomfret for the rehearsal and later to Sharpe Hill Vinyards for the rehearsal dinner. I got to meet lots of their family and they were all awesome. We drank a lot of wine. 

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the view where the ceremony was going to be

While trying to keep up drink-for-drink with Michael’s family, I obviously consumed far too much wine. When we got back to his family’s house, I crashed. The next day was the big day. Michael and I were staying at the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying that night so we went to check-in early and after I got ready, we headed over to the venue.

Tyrone Farm is completely off the grid (except for at night when, you know, the goes down) and totally gorgeous. I hung out in the cottage where the bridal party was getting ready, helping where I could, and then went over to the room in the main house on the property where the guys were getting ready and did what I could over there. We lucked out and it ended up being about 10* cooler than it was the day before and the ceremony area was in the shade by the time it started. Prior to the ceremony, Hosmer Mountain Bottling Co. soda was served. Michael and his family lived once across the street from the 100+ year old company so it was sentimental for their family.

The ceremony was absolutely gorgeous (and quick!). Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 was read, as well as a passage from “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish” by Douglas Adams. 

After the cocktail hour, we were all shown to our seats in the main reception area which was the barn (and it was air conditioned!). It was absolutely gorgeous inside. I snapped this photo during the bride & groom’s first dance and it kind of gives an idea about the romanticism of this setting.

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And when it got darker out, it just got prettier inside. The food was wonderful and there was a ton of dancing. There was a photo booth in the main house, so we obliged.

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Around 11:30, buses came and took us back to the hotel where the after party commenced in the bar (restaurant?) across the street. Most of us were changed and casual. We closed the place down and then happily crashed.

After a totally needed-and-necessary brunch at his parent’s house, we headed back to the city. We hit no traffic and then chowed down on some Israeli food before calling it a night. 

I had an unbelievable time with Michael, as well as with his family, and meeting a ton of people that quickly became my family for the weekend.  Seeing how happy the bride and groom were, and how beautiful they both looked, and how happily they looked at each other, just made me totally melt. 

I told Michael on the way back that I am always ready and willing to step in and be his stand-in pseudo-girlfriend for family events now and until each of us finds our own imperfectly perfect person for each other. He just thanked me. 

On Saturday night, one of my oldest best friends got married to an awesome guy (who I love like a brother) at City Hall Restaurant in TriBeCa. We met in pre-school when we were 3 years old and the rest is history (the only friend I’ve known longer was in the waiting room when I was born).

They’re wedding was non-traditional, and awesome. The DJ played “Hello,” and I spent most of the time dancing with one of the groom’s friends or drinking with my best friend’s sister’s fiance at the bar. (The shots were totally his idea.) How pretty is her dress?! I told her to save it for me to use if I ever get married (because we’re totally the same size, obviously). 

Congrats, you guys. Xo