Goodbye to you.

By “you,” I mean the birth control pill that I’ve been on since 2007. I thought it was a good thing to do since states keep passing laws like these (it’d never happen in NY, but who knows.) I’ve always remembered to take it within an hour time frame every day but I really just got tired of having to remember to take it. Also my monkeymind also liked to occasionally have my pondering whether or not I’d indeed remembered to take my pill that morning (I always had but that didn’t stop my mind from racing). I never lost them and never had any bad side effects (that I know of). But after that study came out about depression, and I’d had a couple of mood swings here or there (most of the time when I’ve had too much to drink so that might be the culprit), I decided to find out more bout IUD. 

I’m a creature of habit so it was a big decision for me, but I decided to do it and I did it on Monday. It took longer than usual and my cervix had to be clamped down three times, which is probably the most painful part. So: yay. They almost made me come back another day after having taken medication they sometimes prescribe to relax the cervix. (Note to anyone who’s getting this done: GET THE MEDS.) Whose cervix is actually relaxed when it’s being held down in place by a steel clamp?! Who are these people?? Next time, I’m just getting my tubes tied because for that procedure at least they put you under and you don’t feel anything. 

I decided to get Mirena because I felt like it was a good compromise between the hormone-heavy pill and the no-hormones-at-all Paragard IUD (which is said to have godawful side effects). I felt nauseous when I first sat up after it was in place. and crampy, so I laid down for 20 minutes and drank some water. I went home and took it easy for the rest of the day and didn’t feel any pain or cramping after the first few hours, and barely any bleeding at all.

I went back today for my sonogram to make sure it was staying in place and, luckily, it is. I couldn’t handle the idea of having another one inserted. I asked if I could have a print out of the sonogram, you know, similar to when they give pregnant women photos of their fetuses? But I think the technician thought I was joking because she didn’t print one out for me. 

I’m pretty sure most of the pain wasn’t actually as bad as I expected, but I’d been expecting pain akin to child birth, so maybe I’m just a big baby. If you get one, take your Advil and relax into it because tensing your body up just makes it take longer (believe me, I know). 

I can’t describe how happy I am not to be bothered with the pill anymore and still be baby-free, and for 5 years! Excuse me, but I’m going to go celebrate now. If you’re considering getting an IUD, let me know if you have questions!

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Do We Judge Married Women Who Keep Their Last Names?

This video was super interesting, and really surprising, to be quite honest. I hadn’t expected that we’d progressed enough as a society to have as equally high opinions of women who choose not to take their husband’s last names. It turns out the opinions of women who keep their own last name are higher. They’re regarded as more independent, they are assumed to make more money and be more intelligent. 

Of course this isn’t always the case, as a couple of my girlfriends have taken their husband’s last names and they’re not stupid by any means. Though it’s oftentimes to replace their own hard-to-spell last names so they’re more than happy to get rid of it. Perhaps they’re just more traditional, which is neither good nor bad.

I do believe the custom is highly outdated though, dating back to when women were considered property of their husbands being the reason they took their husband’s last name. They pretty much had no choice.

I think that since women, and people in general, are getting married later and later in life, it makes sense that fewer women are changing their last names. Marrying later in life means you probably already have your career established and probably have made a name for yourself in said-field. If you’re going to be perceived as smarter and more independent, you’re probably not going to want to change that perception, especially by male colleagues if you give up your last name easily (as sexist and shitty-sounding as that is, it’s still true).

I never planned on changing my last name if I ever married someone. I’m not traditional and I don’t ever want to be “Mr. and Mrs. (Insert Husband’s Name).” Just because we signed a piece of paper doesn’t mean I don’t get my name on mail anymore. 

That’s also a lot of paperwork and that sounds like a huge pain in the ass. When I sent this to my dude and he said, “Oh wow, that’s interesting. But I wouldn’t expect you to take my last name anyways.” Phew. Glad we got that out of the way. I’m glad it wasn’t a deal breaker for him (just to be clear, we have seriously discussed getting married exactly zero times). 

I told him I expected him to take my last name anyways 😉

Do We Judge Married Women Who Keep Their Last Names?

5 ways to ooze confidence—and professionalism—on the job

I just finished Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg (she’s my new guru – though of course she doesn’t know it) and I read Well & Good every day, so this was an awesome read!

5 ways to ooze confidence—and professionalism—on the job

Why I Never Expect a Dude To Pay

My new thing is to chat with guys very seldom before I meet them. Otherwise you develop this ridiculous person that you think they are based on their texts and it’s usually incredibly off.

So, I went on a date last night with a guy who, online, in the brief time I’d chatted with him, seemed nice enough. He was cute – in a quirky way. We met at Ninth Ward downtown. It looked like a cool place and they had happy hour.

He was nice. He was really nice. And he was kind of cute in person. Still quirky. But there were way too many pauses in our conversation. I didn’t know what to say to him, and even worse, I didn’t care. I just wanted to finish my beer and go home. And eat. I was really hungry and I didn’t want to order food there and have to spend more time with this person who I’d never see again. 

We decided we’d split the very minimal check (thank you, happy hour!) and when his debit card was declined twice, I picked up the tab. I was kind of pissed he didn’t even offer to swing by an ATM.

This is why I’ve never been on a date where I haven’t offered to pay my half. I can’t imagine how annoying it is to always pay for dates, even when they’re not going well. Sometimes the guys decline my offer, but sometimes they accept. 

Lesson here is: Ladies, it’s the 20th century. Don’t expect your date to pay for your alcohol or food. 

Awkward side note: Just noticed that this dude checked out my profile again at 2am last night. Oy vey. 

This is about right. I’ve dated a few guys this year, and if they weren’t socially awkward nerds, they were assholes. A couple were really great guys, but I found myself getting bored and realizing the chemistry wasn’t there.

I started out dating this guy after a four-month conscious hiatus from dating. He lived far away (in Connecticut) and was emotionally tone deaf. My guy friends who met him had some choice words about him. 

For three weeks I made the mistake of dating someone who worked at the company that I was interning at – that was kinda/sorta/very bad. I had one date with a random OkCupid dude who was a touring trumpet player (and quite a good one!), and then a handful of dates with a “tech founder” who lived in his parent’s loft. He claimed to be broke all the time, but was always going out. Now I don’t care if you live in your parents incredibly cool apartment rent-free and get your money from them as long as you don’t walk around claiming to be poor. Because that’s just obnoxious.

There were two very good dates with a cute guy from OkCupid who decided we had nothing in common and that we shouldn’t continue hanging out. And the one date with a banker who was a registered Republican (I didn’t know this beforehand!) and likened date rape to circumcision. Then I spent the last couple of months dating a really great guy. We had things in common, mutual friends, and enjoyed each others company. It was pretty relaxed. No games, no second guessing. It was nice.

Who the hell knows what 2013 has in store. But it will definitely involve fewer Republicans and in-denial trust fund kids. I’m getting better at asking for what I want and not accepting bullshit. These are all positive things, methinks.