Rant: Day Job vs. Passion

I’ve been going back and forth in my head for a couple of weeks now about this. I’ve been applying for a bunch of jobs and I’ve been tossing back and forth between applying for only what I’m passionate about or applying for jobs that I’d simply be good at. 

Whenever I mention passion to my much-older cousin, she says it’s dangerous to be fixated on mixing your career with passion. Passion implies forever, and our careers don’t necessarily need to be forever. Especially nowadays when people have several different careers during their lifetimes.

I want to find something I’m passionate about doing because whenever I meet people who are passionate about what they do, I feel a tinge of jealousy – I mean, obviously, right? It was always ingrained in me growing up that I should do what I love and what I’m passionate about, but is that not really the way it is? Just because a very small percentage of the population has managed to find a job they absolutely love, does that have to be what we all strive for? Because it’s almost as hard to find as finding your “soulmate.”

Why isn’t it good enough for all of us if we find a job that pays us so we can live our lives and pay the bills and take the occasional vacation? A job that we might happen to be good at, even though it might not be something we’re particularly passionate about doing? 

So, at first I was limiting my job applications to only companies for which I could muster up some degree of passion. Then I realized that those jobs are super few and far between and maybe my cousin was right: just find a job with people that you like (or can at least tolerate), that pays you well, and that you’re good at and, live your life outside the office. 

I went to school for theatre management and took an extra several-month course in commercial producing after graduation. I worked in theatre and the pay was lousy and the hours were even worse. I loved some of the shows I was working on, but even though I loved (and still love) theatre, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world if I didn’t work in the industry anymore. It was my passion and I could do it outside work. 

Isn’t that generally what passions are anyways? Things you do in your free time? Yes, I’d love to teach yoga full-time, but that path is hard as fuck, and you have to hustle, and I don’t know if I’m cut out for that. 

So, in the meantime, I’m going to try to teach (for $$ or volunteer) yoga on the side and then get a job that I’m good at. I’ll try my best not to work in an industry that I find revolting (again) and be content that maybe I’m not 100% passionate about what I do from 9 to 5 every day. My life outside of work is more important at the end of the day: friends, yoga, meditation, theatre, music. 

And if you make your passion your day job, is it really your passion anymore? Just asking. For a friend. 

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Ixnay on the Facebook-ay

I blocked a bunch of sites on my work laptop for the first time in two weeks and I have to say: I had such a better day when I wasn’t going on Facebook once (or five, who are we kidding?) an hour. All you do is read about the election, people fighting on their comment statuses about said-election, or people posting stupid shit that has nothing to do with anything and that interests exactly zero people on the internet. It’s such toxic shit. 

I signed on via Safari on my phone twice during the day and that was more than enough. During the day I’ve been sticking to Gothamist, The New York Times Real Estate section, and Curbed.

Facebook is great for networking but it sucks for your state of mind. 

Self Control-ish

I’ve been making mistakes here and there at work lately. 

Ever since I took on recruiting for my company, it’s been a huge time suck. I love doing it, but it’s taken away a lot of my attention from other aspects of my job. No mistakes have been huge or unfixable but still annoying. 

You know what else is a huge time suck? Social media. 

So, what did I do today? I downloaded the app “SelfControl” and blocked Facebook, Tumblr, Gawker, BroadwayWorld (those boards are like a never-ending hole of insanity), and I’ll probably block Curbed tomorrow, too. 

And you know what? It worked. I didn’t miss Facebook at all because it’s just become a place to a) feel bad about your life, or b) a place to be an asshole and bitch about stuff. And my Tumblr feed has become insanely boring. 

Here’s hoping I can continue down this path of No Distractions. 

Small City

There are 10 million people (give or take) in New York City. That’s a huge number of people, you say. Yeah, that’s a lot of people, totally. Except for when you’re all living within 10 miles of each other. Then not so much. That person who you thought you’d never see again? Oh hey, sitting next to me on the subway!

Anyways, it’s not always bad. Usually it’s comical, or even good! Lots of relationships start because people live near each other (though they oftentimes end and I’m not sure if that’s because of the proximity or just because lots of relationships end, but I digress). We live in this city for ease of access to everything, so we take the good with the not-ideal. 

Anyways, on my floor in my apartment building, there’s a family at the other end of the hall that’s a mother, father, and son. The son is probably in his mid-20′s and he’s a ghostwriter for CEOs and smokes a lot of pot (I can smell it). He’s a super nice guy though, stoner tendencies aside.  

Well, I was waiting for the elevator and my office building this morning and who walks into the lobby? That guy. I looked at him like, “I recognize that dude, but wait, I don’t work with him…” and then it clicked. I think the same thing went through his head, too. He told me his office just moved into the building. 

I couldn’t believe it. How random. It’s a small town that I live in. 

PS: Also small world-esque: A coworker of J’s lives in my apartment building. We run into him all the time now in the elevator!

Lazy

You know how I stopped working in theatre a year and a half ago? (Maybe longer? I’ve lost track.) Well, I sure don’t miss it (save for the free tickets) but my theatre-going has slowed a bit. Oftentimes afterwork, I’m just all, “I just want to go home,” or, “I’m just going to go to yoga.” Trying to get a super cheap back-of-the-theatre or rush ticket just doesn’t sound appealing. 

I know, I’m so whiny – I’d have to take the train 3 stops, then get off and check, and then possibly get back on. The horror. I guess, technically, I also want to hang out with my cat while she’s still getting used to living with me. (Secretly I think she counts down the minutes until I leave in the morning but I could be wrong.)

But I’m slowly rectifying that. I purchased a ticket yesterday for Saturday’s matinee to Tuck Everlasting for starters. I really think it sounds 100% boring, but it has a great cast and it was the only show that had a Saturday matinee on TDF, so why not. 

Secondly, while I contemplated going to see a show last night, specifically Waitress (because @endotique says it was great), I decided against it and bought a ticket for May 18th instead. Afterwards I picked up tickets for an irreverent musical for J’s birthday in a couple of weeks. I’m not saying what it is here incase he reads here, but he’ll love it. 

What else do I need to see? Blackbird, Bright Star, Fiddler on the Roof, possibly Fully Committed, Long Day’s Journey Into Night (amazing cast), The Father (why not?), She Loves Me, The Color Purple (I’d have no interest after seeing the original production but I hear this one is fantastic), The Crucible (I’ve never seen it live and who doesn’t love a 3-hour play about McCarthyism?) and, oh yes, Hamilton. I guess. (I’ll do the cancellation line sooner or later before Lin leaves.)

I’m pretty sure that’s about it. Ten shows. It’s a play-heavy list, that’s for sure. I want to see American Psycho again soon but hopefully that’ll be around for a little while.

Writing it out in a list like that makes it not seem so insurmountable. One show every week? Every two weeks? Done in no time. Except for Hamilton. I’ll have to take a Monday or Tuesday off from work to sit in the cancellation line to get tickets for my dude and I to that fucker. Goddamn you, Lin-Manuel. 

Epic Battle: Meditation vs. Anxiety

My spiritual guru Gabby Bernstein always says that when people tell her they don’t have time to meditate, she asks them if they have time to feel like shit. I think this is a pretty good way (although somewhat forceful) to convince people to meditate. 

I noticed as soon as I got into the office yesterday that I felt different and very anxious. I devolved into that hyper-paranoid person that I was (and still am, sometimes, just rarely) in previous years and it took a while to get back down to normalcy (what normalcy means to me, anyways). 

I spent a large part of the weekend with my dude and when I do that my meditation schedule usually hits the fan. I was still meditating for the last four days in my yoga classes but the morning and evening sessions weren’t happening. It’s not his fault; I usually just forget. Sometimes, and I’m trying to be better about this, I will sit for a session while he’s in the shower. 

Because J is great, he took note of my anxiety and ended up surprising me with a flower delivery yesterday afternoon. It was completely unexpected and immediately brightened up my Monday. 

But incase a flower delivery isn’t an option for you, you can always turn back to your breath and sit in silence for a few minutes, coming back to a state of calm that’s always hiding somewhere inside of you. 

Hump Day.

Happy International Women’s Day! I wish we lived in a world where a “women’s day” wasn’t needed. Maybe some day. 

I need this backpack ASAP. Look at how much stuff you can pack in it! 

I’m getting a standing desk at work. I’m so excited.

Our CTO is gluten-free, so we’re going GF in the office this week in solidarity. And probably because we all (about half of the office) wanted to see if we could do it. Turns out: the only things I can’t eat that I usually eat at pretzels and graham crackers. At least this is what I’ve found thus far. I think I was suffering from the Gluten Flu (effects of gluten withdrawal) this morning but I drank a lot of green tea and water and powered through.

The dorm that I lived in for three years during college is being sold. I had one of the rooms that was basically a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen and bathroom. Compared to your traditional college dorm, it was pretty nice. But it was also like living in a jail with all of the rules (restrictions on how many nights a guest could stay, having our IDs inspected every time we entered, they closed during the winter break, etc). 

I’m obsessed with this workout DVD. It’s the Barre Method and I’m only currently practicing the arms segment but it’s an ass-kicking. 

Lastly, I saw these shelves in a photo of an apartment on Curbed. Does anyone know where they’re from? 

I need these in my life, or more specifically, my living room. 

Take it to the Village

I’ve talked about choosing to be happily childfree on here a few times (that’s still true – #sorrynotsorry). I think people want kids purely for narcissistic reasons (I can raise a great child! They’ll so pretty like me! Or my husband! They’ll have great values that I will instill in them! etc.), which is fine because we’re all biologically programmed to want kids to some extent, although some people are probably just pressured into it, too.  I think babies can be really cute sometimes, for sure. They’re cute if they’re not ugly (yes, they exist), or happen not to be vomiting or crying, or spitting up, or pooping. Basically when they’re just little giggly blobs is when they’re the best. (And I use the word “best” lightly.) 

But here’s the thing: since this is something that a majority of people are going to decide they want, I do believe that we should make it easy to have them and also continue to be a working human being. One of my oldest friends, who is more like an older sister, really, is a stay-at-home mom of three and I have no idea how she doesn’t come close to blowing her brains out on a daily basis. (Her choice, and I hope she’s happy, but OMGKILLMENOW.)

My managing director just had a baby four weeks ago. She is adorable and has a great name. Instead of sitting home, doing nothing, or sitting home and trying to work from home (while possible, it’s still probably annoying), she’s in the office one or two days (usually half-days) a week with her baby. The first time I heard her cry, I was like, “OMG MAKE IT STOP.” But that’s only happened once and then I chilled out.

The baby likes to be held a lot, so while my managing director is sending emails or whatnot, she’s holding the baby or someone else in the office is holding her (quite happily, I might add, because like I said, most people want kids). I’m pretty sure this is the modern-day equivalent of your fellow tribe numbers helping to take care of your babies.

And I think it’s pretty cool.

Rockin’ Lunch

For the last two weeks at work I’ve been consistently bringing my lunch every day. For someone who used to buy Starbucks every single morning and buy their lunch every day, this is unbelievable. 

As I wind down on Sunday evening, I once again start to ponder the week and what I’ll eat this week. I watched a few of the vegan videos on Essena O’Neil’s blog and her recipes look SO good. They were partially the inspiration for the wraps you see above. Of course the sauce on them isn’t vegan, and neither is the tiny bit of chicken, but they were tasty and healthy regardless. 

The wrap on the left has zucchini, cucumber, spinach leaves, and brown rice on it and the wraps on the right include spinach leaves, avocado, sliced peppers, and chicken. I’m not a huge fan of wraps and burritos normally because they’re so high in calories, but I’m working on finding rice wraps. 

I also have some of this leftover from when Steve was over on Friday night – this dish is honestly so good and lots of protein! I cooked up some chicken, there’s some rice currently cooking away, and I’m going to sauté some butternut squash soon.

This is such an expensive time of year that if i can save money and not eat out during the week, you better believe I’m doing it. Also: healthier. 

The Tuesday before Valentine’s Day I thought, “I want to bake cookies. I wonder if anyone else would too,” and I sent out an email to the office. Low and behold, so did other people. A lot of other people. So we had a Cookie Swap on Friday and it was awesome. And I ate way too many cookies. And there are many still in our fridge.

Lesson: You should organize a Cookie Swap at your office too. For no reason. On three days notice. Trust me, it’ll be awesome.